Really?! Does this otherwise so peaceful columnist condone aggression?! Think twice, as you know me better than that, and let me enjoy the double-take I probably caused you when you were reading my headline.
Today, I was clipped by another car while doing a left turn at a crossing. It was in the left lane, I was in the right, and while I was still maneuvering across the intersection, it darted just in front of me, then sped off where there is a speed limit of 30 miles per hour. At the next crossing, the traffic lights were on red. None of the maneuvering had gained the guy a thing. Except that it might have caused him and me an accident.
What is it with aggression these days? I observe a lot of road rage, which means accidents in the making. One moment you see cars cross all the lanes with hardly ever a thought about whether the drivers clipped would be able to break in time. You see those vehicles jump in and out of gaps in thick traffic; the drivers must be thinking a lot about how much faster they are. Until they crash. And then, all of a sudden, there is so much more time they lose while waiting for the police, a tow truck, a cab. In the worst-case scenario, they will be hospitalized or interred. Road rage or aggression pays with a lot of time. And what for? You might even have to wait longer at the next traffic light while the person you got mad at might sail clean through at leveler speed.
Of course, along with any such violations of rules come tickets. Indeed, aggression pays not only with time, it pays with fines as well. And we see this at all kinds of levels. Whether it is slander, speeding, trespassing – any kind of aggression will cost the culprit some his assets. Is it worth it?
Above all, does any of you want or really like that aggressive friend, husband, wife, neighbor, colleague, boss? Aggression pays with human relationships. When an aggressor is stuck between a rock and a hard place, maybe they get saved by somebody. It is not for love, though, but because for fear. And in the end, fear must fail as glue in any relationship.
Today, when I just left a supermarket after having done my weekly groceries, I passed by an incredulous looking supermarket worker whose task it was to retrieve shopping carts from the collection sites in the parking lot. What he was staring at was something I should have photographed: a shopping cart stacked on top of another. For whatever reason, somebody had actually not made the effort to roll the cart to the end of a collection site, but dumped it on top of another. The worker was helpless, and when I asked whether he needed help, he was totally upset. Somebody had made this man’s hard work even harder, and he said he didn’t know what to do. Long story short, I lifted the shopping cart of the other one and placed it next to the others, so the man could continue his job.
I am still clueless who would perform such an act and why, unless it is from mere aggression. To me it was an absolutely mindless thing to do to somebody who has to drag hundreds of carts a day back to the store. This individual was too lazy to walk a few more steps, but aggressive enough to build a pile and add to somebody’s work. I should hope that person reads or gets told about this article. Because they should neither feel proud nor witty about their deed. In fact, they have just lost my entire respect.
Aggression is anger channeled into self-centered action. Maybe it is “rewarded by an instant of feeling well. And after that?
In the long run, aggression pays. With the loss of time, money, other assets, peace of mind (what if you are getting caught?!), love, friendship, followership, and respect. The bully might even become a laughing stock because they pay too much for what they tried to get a moment of self-gratification. Whereas mindfulness gets you all of this: time, assets, peace of mind, love, respect, happiness – and sometimes even getting paid forward to.
Diane Tilstra says
Thank you, Ms. Bacon, for this timely article. I’ve definitely experienced “risk-taking” erratic drivers in Tacoma. Last week I watched a white Toyota vehicle dart in front of me with no room to actually break safely. Then this driver passed the car in front of him/her crossing a double yellow line and traveling in the oncoming lane swerving back in front of the leading car. The car sped off at a high rate of speed continuing to swerve over the double yellow line in the oncoming lane. My Buddhist training tells me to simply observe and breathe to allow this person to gain the ground they seem to need for a purpose that I am not eligible to know. This helps me stay calm as I watch a potential life threatening incident play out.
Susanne Bacon says
Indeed, inner calm is what gets me past such incidents as well. I usually send up a prayer of grace when we get away unscathed.
What shocked me more was the shopping car incident. There are no words for such rudeness and, as I said, people like these won’t ever regain my respect.
William Elder says
I am grateful for a measured voice of reason and concern coming through the cacophony even in our quiet corner of the word. Like good music, I like listening to it.
As for traffic— Lakewood is planted thick with four-way stops. When I come to one, I always wave the other driver on, no matter which of us got there first. Couldn’t care less about who goes first. I just want to make sure that I know who will.
Susanne Bacon says
Thank you so very much for such kind words, Mr. Elder! I have to admit I’m blushing.
As to driving, having learned and practiced it in German traffic, I’ve become a very defensive driver. I rather yield at a crossing, I leave space between the car in front of me and my truck, and I stick with the speed limit (well, maybe 5 miles above where safe, but never more). In the case I described, though, the driver came from the blind angle behind me and cut me off in my own lane. I’m glad I have good breaks, and that there was no car behind me …
William Elder says
You deserve your blushes.
When I pause at those four-way stops, I do so in a 34-year old Cabriolet, the car of my heart. Occasionally I am wet when I do so, but I am still smiling. I thank German engineering for several thoughtful things: My gas cap is on the non-driver’s side on my vehicle. Why? Because in a right-hand side vehicle, if I run our of gas and am refilling I would be off the road, out of traffic. Another thing is when I forget to turn off my headlights when I get out of my car, parking lights are automatically left to burn, for safety. Small but thoughtful bits of engineering. I appreciate thoughtfulness.
Bill Elder
Susanne Bacon says
Too funny – I appreciate my gas cap on the driver’s side of my pick-up truck. This way I’m closer to getting back into my driver’s seat in case somebody attacks me. My father’s German Opels had that same feature, by the way. So did the VWs, BMWs, and Mercedes’ I drove jobwise back there. Maybe things have changed ever since I emigrated. As the ancient Greek already stated: Everything is in motion.
Hope your week will be a wonderful one, full of beautiful spring experiences!
William Elder says
Change is so constant and persistent, we short-lived humans mostly hardly notice. Go check— your gas cap may have swapped sides while we were talking. The Greeks, at least the more perceptive of them, recognized this as a possibility, though hardly with gas caps. To try and understand a million years— a geologic drop in a bucket— from the perspective of perhaps a human sentience of eighty years is an exercise in mythological arrogance right up there with walking on water and leaving your towel at home.
Welcome to America. The danger of being attacked— as we have recently seen— is a hellofalot more likely than running out of gas. Leave your gas cap where it is. And keep the soothing prose coming.