The Suburban Times

A community bulletin board for Western Pierce County.

Westside Story – Stop Junk Mail

By

Are you like me? Do you ever get sick and tired of being sick and tired of receiving a mailbox full of junk mail?

I have suffered from a barage of copious amounts of junk mail for decades.

Finally, based on my natural genius, I have discovered a novel and effective solution for stopping junk mail. I am confident you have never seen or thought of my ingenious solution for the pesky junk mail problem. So keep an open mind. The good news is my idea does not need to cost you money to implement.

Allow me to share my junk mail-stopping idea with all of you, so you too can quit being pestered by prolific pesky junk mail producers.

The only tool you need is a post hole digger. TIP: Look through your junk mail collection. You might find a post hole digger at a reasonable price as a junk mail offer.

Stop junk mail action steps.

  1. Pull your existing mailbox out of the ground using maximum brute force.
  2. Use a post hole digger to create a new mailbox post hole.
  3. Install your officially certified USPS mailbox backward. By violating USPS mailbox standards, you will INSTANTLY stop junk mail from being delivered to your home.

Anyone who is creative enough to use a backward mailbox will never be bothered with junk mail again.

I know. I know. Not only will your junk mail stop, your regular mail and bills will also stop. I am working on that. With a genius like me, you can count on an innovative solution for your new “no mail” problem. Be sure to read The Suburban Times everyday, so you do not miss my next mind blowing installment for your personal mail management.

Comments

  1. Joe, It’s a lot easier to put the junk mail in the included,addressed,stamped, return envelope and send it back from whence it came.
    It sure beats having to dig post holes at 84 years of age.

    • Maureen Arnold,

      You shared a great idea. I too have used self addressed envelopes to return junk mail hoping to be blacklisted off their mailing list.

      Joseph Boyle

      • Sorry folks. Sending it back doesn’t work. I did that for years and the volume never decreased. Now I just put it in the recycle bin unopened and silently mourn the loss of a tree.

        • So true Linda. Those of us, especially in the Evergreen State should wake up to what is happening here.

  3. After years and years of frustration (I too just drop it in my recycle bin) I just had to find the good in it. Now I figure the revenue paid to the USPS from all those mailing the crap is keeping our costs down. I’m wondering why both my father who died in 1982 and my mom who died in 1997 are getting junk mail at my house! Neither lived here..ever! Just who is digging into what sites to come up with, and sell, those mailing lists? Those are the folks that need to be stopped!!

  4. Two other suggestions would be to sell the home where you were getting all the junk mail and move 2,855 miles to the east coast.

    The other is to take the suggestion of the Federal Trade commission as outlined below. I know this helps because I have used it in the past.

    Consumer Reporting Companies
    If you decide that you don’t want to receive prescreened offers of credit and insurance, you have two choices: You can opt out of receiving them for five years or opt out of receiving them permanently.

    To opt out for five years: Call toll-free 1-888-5-OPT-OUT (1-888-567-8688) or visit www.optoutprescreen.com. The phone number and website are operated by the major consumer reporting companies.

    To opt out permanently: You may begin the permanent Opt-Out process online at www.optoutprescreen.com. To complete your request, you must return the signed Permanent Opt-Out Election form, which will be provided after you initiate your online request.

    When you call or visit the website, you’ll be asked to provide certain personal information, including your home telephone number, name, Social Security number, and date of birth. The information you provide is confidential and will be used only to process your request to opt out.

    If you don’t have access to the Internet, you may send a written request to permanently opt out to each of the major consumer reporting companies. Make sure your request includes your home telephone number, name, Social Security number, and date of birth.

    This was just a thought, if it too difficult go ahead and just chuck in the trash. However if it is from Geico you may want to burn it.

  5. I must be crazy, but I like junk mail. I don’t like to go to the mailbox and there’s nothing in it so I don’t know if the mailman was here or not. It doesn’t bother me to walk from the mailbox with some junk mail to my shredder in the house. We will always have junk mail til the end of time so you just have to have a positive outlook.

    I enjoyed the story though Joe!! Thanks!!