I always wanted to be six feet tall, but I never made it. As tall as I ever got was 5’ 8 3/4,” which caused the Tacoma Police Department to reject me in 1966. They demanded I be 5’ 9” to become a TPD street cop.
Then there was that crushing blow in high school when our first-string, star, girls, basketball player, Penelope Peabody, who was 6’ 3”, did not ask me to accompany her to our girls ask the boys Sadie Hawkins school dance.
I have been rejected all my life because of my height or lack thereof.
Do you have any idea how disappointed I am that my life-long dream my friends would nickname me Stretch was dashed by the time I left high school. Stretch, yes. Shorty, no.
After retiring, I noticed that I was not even 5’ 8 3/4” tall anymore. I had shrunk to 5’ 7”.
As you can see in the photo above, today I am about as tall as I am wide. Either way, standing or laying down, I am 3’ 10”.
If I were still with the Sheriff’s Department, at 3’ 10”, I would make my former boss, Sheriff Paul Pastor, feel like a giant.
For those who have known me over the years, my current stature or lack thereof might easily make me unrecognizable.
I do enjoy this photo because it makes me look as tall as the rooftop. I can tell my JW Dant Genuine Sour Mash Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey drinking buddy, Tommy, who lives right next door to the Dant Distillery Company, I am tall as a rooftop. See? See? See?”
Dr. Highly tells me I am shrinking because I spend too much time sitting while slumped over my MacBook Air laptop and iPhone screens working on Westside Story column edits. If I want to stop the shrinkage, I must spend more time standing erect and walking around so I can stretch out my bones and muscles.
If I fail to get more exercise by this time next year, Dr. Highly calculates, through scientific measurement (Reference Note #1 below.), the continuing metamorphosis (Reference Note #2 below.) will bring me down to about 2’ 6” tall.
Humph. At the rate I am shrinking, I will not even be allowed to ride the rollercoaster at the Puyallup Fair or get up onto a barstool. The cops might make me sit in a child booster seat when I drive around Lakewood.
I can’t help getting old, but please do not look down on me.
- Scientific measurement” – Actually Dr. Highly used a yardstick she had kicking around her exam room. I could still read the old logo, Lakewood Hardware.
- Metamorphosis is a big doctor word. Had Dr. Highly used the word change, the rest of us could understand what she was talking about.