Did you vote for Joe in the last presidential primary? I am not talking about Joe Biden for president. Joe Biden wants to destroy our Second Amendment rights leading to the confiscation of our guns and the right of Americans to defend themselves.
I am talking about Joe Boyle for president. Joe Boyle is not officially running for president, but there has been some talk.
Having introduced Joe Biden and Joe Boyle in the same article makes writing this story a bit complicated. It could get confusing if I say Joe this and Joe that. You will not know which Joe I am referring to. I thought about using initials of each guy, but that will prove confusing too with JB this and JB that, so I shall refer to the two stars of this article as Joe Biden and Joe Boyle.
A groundswell of citizen enthusiasm is building to vote Joe Boyle for president using the Write-In Candidate option. Joe Boyle stands ready to take office if he wins the election by a mudslide, or is that landslide? Or maybe Quicksand? You know what I mean.
Joe Boyle already received one write-in vote for president. Behaving like a real losing politician, Joe Boyle demanded a recount. After all the votes were recounted, by golly, Joe Boyle did get one vote.
During a Steilacoom political survey, it was learned that Joe’s pal, Jimmy Howe, cast his Washington primary write-in vote for Joe Boyle. Jimmy carefully examined the current field of pathetic presidential candidates offered by both of our non-thinking political parties. Jimmy concluded that if America is to become mediocre again, a vote for Joe Boyle was his only choice.
Our current collection of candidates has been tied to personal greed issues, sexual improprieties, conflicts of interest, criminal activity, abuse of political power, graft, voting fraud, corruption, and stupidity. The complaints go on and on.
There is a breath of fresh air on the political scene. You can choose the torch for freedom and prosperity. If we unite, we can move our country out of the gutter into the fresh air. Yes, you can use your vote to make America Mediocre Again.
Joe Boyle has no skeletons in his closet, no known conflicts of interest, and he is not connected to the Russians or the Mafia. Most importantly, he is not a lawyer.
Joe Boyle possesses an abundance of common sense for problem-solving, and his decision-making is highly influenced for the good of America by his moral compass. In addition to not being a Phi Beta Kappa, Joe Boyle is not on the Me Too list either.
Joe Boyle supports our beloved aging American document, the US Constitution, especially free speech, and the second amendment.
Joe Boyle, as president, will use the concept, “Do what is best for all of America,” to guide his presidential actions.
There is a lot of left-wing, liberal, socialist, and Communist talk about registering guns, confiscating guns, and limiting magazine size.
If elected, Joe Boyle wants you to know up front that he will support the common-sense push to limit magazine size. It shall be unlawful for any magazine to be larger than the original classic, Life Magazine, which measured 12 3/4” X 9 1/2″. Magazines must be able to fit safely into each American’s mailbox.
Once Americans become used to restricting magazine size, President Boyle, by proclamation, will push for limiting newspaper size.
If you happen to agree with ideas promoted by the left-wing, liberals, socialists, or Communists, you will love President Joe Boyle’s plan for mending fences and uniting Americans, to get Congress moving again. How? Joe Boyle will demonstrate a supportive willingness to give everyone’s ideas a chance to be tested, rather than just a war of words followed by choosing sides based on political party. All sides of America will be allowed to have their time to test their idea.
Once in place, the results of any plan will speak for itself.
Joe Boyle is neither Republican nor Democrat. He is Independent. His relationship with any political party can best be described as first to arrive and last to leave to maximize his enjoyment of live music, food, and drink.
An example of President Boyle giving everyone’s ideas a fair try would be a trial run forcing Americans to waive their Second Amendment Rights. During the trial period, we would make all gun owners register their guns, followed by confiscating their guns.
If registering guns and gun confiscation proves popular, the next common-sense life-saving step will be to send a team of government zealots to each home in America to confiscate automobiles. Unlike guns, half of this battle is already won, in that cars are already registered.
Americans will support automobile confiscation once they learn automobiles kill twice as many people than guns kill people. If we move to confiscate guns, then automobile confiscation makes even more sense and is obviously needed if only to save one life.
If holding gun manufacturers responsible for mass shootings is an excellent idea, then an even better idea is to hold vehicle manufacturers accountable for all deaths caused by automobiles.
Should a social experiment prove gun confiscation to be a dismal failure because crime skyrockets, Joe Boyle will implement an old Socialist idea in reverse.
Rather than taking money from the rich and giving it to the poor, Joe Boyle will take money from the poor and redistribute it to all Americans in the form of free guns. All law-abiding Americans will receive a free gun, a lifetime supply of ammo, and a copy of Joe Boyle’s indispensable Four Firearm Safety Rules.
The free guns and ammo program should cause crime to plummet. A dead burglar will not burgle other homeowners. Knowing that every home contains an angry owner with a gun and a case of ammo will cause most potential thinking burglars to figure the cost-benefit ration of breaking into homes to not be worth while. You’ll see.
If you like Meets and Greets, consider joining Joe Boyle for an informal cup of Cuban Espresso or a Manhattan at Joe’s Bar & Barista Stand, where you can join in on some lively discussion related to Joe’s ideas on how we can make America mediocre again.
Vote for Joe Boyle with confidence knowing that Joe Boyle has never been defeated in a Presidential Election, and that is a fact. Look it up on Wikipedia.
Don Doman says
Hell no, I won’t go . . . oops, wrong decade.
Ray R says
Joe, you remind me of Pat Paulsen from the 60’s. “I’ve upped my standards. Now, up yours.”
Susanne Bacon says
You might have put an idea into some people’s heads, Joe! Indeed, I love your comparison of guns and cars. It gave me a good chuckle – and it makes sense.
Joe, you had me spitting out my morning cup of joe with “Most importantly, [you’re] not a lawyer.” I was laughing so hard, because I’ve been around them for the past 14 years now. I thought they’d be a different breed from engineers staring at walls (or just space, who knows), but these people just argue with themselves. Alone. They make rubber rooms for people like that…
Thanks to Jimmy’s idea, you could end up with more votes…
P Rose says
Joe Boyle for president!
Tim Eyeman for vice president!
say you’re driving on an interstate in a 65 zone
WELL, dana goes 64 when the flow of traffic is between 70 and 75 – very often on cruise control
very little thought goes into keeping open distance in front of me – they (!) don’t cross over right in front of me and almost never is my “cruising space” interfered with
ON THE OTHER HAND’s risk, the area behind me is where attention has to be paid
what I do (and you can pass this tip onto your friends) with some guy in a ram pickup who’s dangerously close while followg me is to touch down to 63 for a couple of breaths, then to 62, and so forth
BUT, I have triggered a couple of rage on the road incidents, which only is pleasant, but I don’t press my luck
When dana is president, things will all be different. Step one is to raise gas tax at the pump 2 cents a gallon on the 17th of each month – forever! double that for diesel, and a penny a liter for aviation fuel.
the motto that gets me elected is: SAVE THE POLAR BEARS (amd tje harpsichordists)
I continue to enjoy your column – a lot!
I would like to see a Joe Boyle/ Larry King ticket. Both guys are quality human beings. If you get elected Joe, will I be able to choose which free gun I want?