It has been my lifelong dream to become more Don Doman-like, when I am older. There is no doubt. Don Doman is the undisputed Pierce County King of restaurant reviews for The Suburban Times.
Attaining my lifetime goal turned out to not be as easy as it sounds.
The other day my pal, Larry, and I headed over to The Black Angus armed with two Black Angus $9.99 lunch coupons. I thought after lunch, I could write a restaurant review for the Black Angus and thereby easily capture some of the same admiration and respect that Don gets from his throngs of avid loyal readers.
When we arrived at the Black Angus while white-knuckling our $9.99 lunch coupons we discovered that Black Angus is not open for lunch. Not open for lunch! You heard me correctly. A restaurant in the food service business with lunch coupons is not open for lunch, except Sundays. In the end the Black Angus lunch coupon was too good to be true.
The fact that Black Angus is closed for lunch makes it easy for me to write a restaurant review, albeit a petit restaurant review; perhaps the shortest restaurant review of all time.
While Don is continually credited with writing great restaurant reviews, I deserve credit for writing the shortest restaurant review. Check it out.
JOE’S FIRST, SHORTEST, AND LAST RESTAURANT REVIEW: Do not eat lunch at Black Angus.
My justification for this harsh no-eat lunch review is based on Black Angus being closed for lunch every day, except Sunday even if a customer is clutching a lunch coupon.
If you are dying to eat lunch at Black Angus despite my review, I recommend a creative end-run on Black Angus. Pick up some tasty To-Go food from one of Don Doman’s favorite restaurants. Drive the To-Go food over to the Black Angus parking lot where you can eat lunch out of your greasy To-Go sack. Black Angus coupons are not valid for the competition’s To-Go food.
Let’s review the Black Angus meal plan.
(A) Breakfast – Nope. Never.
(B) Lunch – Hardly ever.
(C) Dinner – Probably, but possibly not for long if the no-meal business model catches on.
A Batchelor of Arts in Business Administration qualifies me to share some of my top caliber business promotion concepts with the Black Angus.
Promotional Idea #1: Mail out eye-popping $25 off lunch coupons, good Monday – Saturday.
Promotional Idea #2: Free Manhattan cocktails featuring Luxardo Cherries imported from Italy with the purchase of any breakfast.
Promotional Idea #3: Free lunch for customers age 100 or older every day except Sunday. Enhanced driver’s license required to prove age qualification.
If you own a restaurant but your business is never open, you can cut your overhead and thereby enjoy savings in the areas of employee expenses, food purchases, and advertising.
I think Larry and I will head over to Johnny’s Dock for lunch. We have no Johnny’s Dock coupons, but at least Johnny’s Dock is open for lunch, which is a novel idea and real plus for a restaurant purporting to be in the food service business.
I do not plan to write a restaurant review on Johnny’s Dock because I now know being Don Doman-like is just too hard.