It has been my lifelong dream to become more Don Doman-like, when I am older. There is no doubt. Don Doman is the undisputed Pierce County King of restaurant reviews for The Suburban Times.
Attaining my lifetime goal turned out to not be as easy as it sounds.
The other day my pal, Larry, and I headed over to The Black Angus armed with two Black Angus $9.99 lunch coupons. I thought after lunch, I could write a restaurant review for the Black Angus and thereby easily capture some of the same admiration and respect that Don gets from his throngs of avid loyal readers.
When we arrived at the Black Angus while white-knuckling our $9.99 lunch coupons we discovered that Black Angus is not open for lunch. Not open for lunch! You heard me correctly. A restaurant in the food service business with lunch coupons is not open for lunch, except Sundays. In the end the Black Angus lunch coupon was too good to be true.
The fact that Black Angus is closed for lunch makes it easy for me to write a restaurant review, albeit a petit restaurant review; perhaps the shortest restaurant review of all time.
While Don is continually credited with writing great restaurant reviews, I deserve credit for writing the shortest restaurant review. Check it out.
JOE’S FIRST, SHORTEST, AND LAST RESTAURANT REVIEW: Do not eat lunch at Black Angus.
My justification for this harsh no-eat lunch review is based on Black Angus being closed for lunch every day, except Sunday even if a customer is clutching a lunch coupon.
If you are dying to eat lunch at Black Angus despite my review, I recommend a creative end-run on Black Angus. Pick up some tasty To-Go food from one of Don Doman’s favorite restaurants. Drive the To-Go food over to the Black Angus parking lot where you can eat lunch out of your greasy To-Go sack. Black Angus coupons are not valid for the competition’s To-Go food.
Let’s review the Black Angus meal plan.
(A) Breakfast – Nope. Never.
(B) Lunch – Hardly ever.
(C) Dinner – Probably, but possibly not for long if the no-meal business model catches on.
A Batchelor of Arts in Business Administration qualifies me to share some of my top caliber business promotion concepts with the Black Angus.
Promotional Idea #1: Mail out eye-popping $25 off lunch coupons, good Monday – Saturday.
Promotional Idea #2: Free Manhattan cocktails featuring Luxardo Cherries imported from Italy with the purchase of any breakfast.
Promotional Idea #3: Free lunch for customers age 100 or older every day except Sunday. Enhanced driver’s license required to prove age qualification.
If you own a restaurant but your business is never open, you can cut your overhead and thereby enjoy savings in the areas of employee expenses, food purchases, and advertising.
I think Larry and I will head over to Johnny’s Dock for lunch. We have no Johnny’s Dock coupons, but at least Johnny’s Dock is open for lunch, which is a novel idea and real plus for a restaurant purporting to be in the food service business.
I do not plan to write a restaurant review on Johnny’s Dock because I now know being Don Doman-like is just too hard.
P Rose says
Talk about misleading advertising! There otta be a law!
But wait, maybe the small print says “At participating locations only” in which case they can’t be persecuted.
Susanne Bacon says
Seems to be an issue with more than the Lakewood Black Angus Black Angusses. One actually has to make sure the vouchers are good for the envisioned location. Which makes me figure that “what’s too good to be truly” in this case seems to be the case more often than not.
Marianne Bull says
That was hilarious!
I’ve noticed the exterior of their building is deteriorating terribly. Makes me kind of wonder if they aren’t long for Lakewood as a Black Angus. Been there on a few occasions and food was good, just don’t like the cave-like atmosphere. Sorry to see this happening though. Enjoyed reading of your experience and the warning about no lunch.
The only time I thought to go for lunch at Black Angus was after Church, on Sunday. So, it never occurred to me that the lunch coupon wasn’t good other days of the week! I suppose that another issue may be that many retired folks have lunch available most days, so that could be a problem. Otherwise, I love going to Black Angus for special occasions like birthdays and get a ton of food for their other coupon “Campfire Feast for 2” which is really for three+, depending on the load limit of the party! As they say, “The devil is in the details”. I have been burned quite a few times trying to use coupons at many other restaurants, grocery stores, businesses, etc. Like “Only good on the fifth Tuesday of the month, between noon and 1p.m. (Eastern Time)” *Opens at 10 a.m. Pacific*… Hmmmm Joe, we thank you for trying. But, I agree, there is only one Don Doman! By the way, he like his hash browns, “Burnt, burnt, burnt!” Blessings, http://www.StephenNeufeld.com
Don Doman says
Avid Suburban Times reader and Lakewood real estate historian Ken Upton and I sat down to review some of his old, old, old family photos for restoration. He mentioned my restaurant review of Black Angus. I gave him a blank stare, which I normally reserve for close friends and you. I had no idea what he was talking about. I did several searches and found nada. After tracking down the article, Ken sent me a note to tell me it was from late February. I researched again this morning. I should have used the term “Petit” in my searches. I had three rewards from your article. One: I discovered your nine year old article about losing your $35 gold nugget wedding ring. About the same time you were digging into your pocket for #35, I had a fellow art student at UPS make me two silver wedding rings for Peg and me. My buddy Tony Schmid charge me $10. He remarked years later that if he had known they were wedding rings he would have charged me more. Two: I laughed with your article. Although Ken first credited me, I knew I had not dined at Black Angus for two years or so . . . in Federal Way . . . for lunch. Three: I enjoyed Stephen Neufeld’s comment about my preference of hash browns, “Burnt, burnt, burnt.” As always . . . Don