You do not have to take my word for it. Just ask anyone this question, “Did you know Joe Boyle, who writes Westside Story for The Suburban Times, invented the internet?” Very few know I was the guy who first helped former Vice President Al Gore see the big picture when it came to having a clear understanding of the future of the information superhighway.
I am to blame for so many people being in the dark about my inventive genius. I had never told anyone before because I did not want to brag, like I am doing now.
Overcoming my hesitancy to appear as a braggart, will allow me to share two brand new colossal*** inventions with you.
These inventions will revolutionize the music industry. My creative new products should not be surprising to anyone if they understand I possess a level of inventive genius that allowed me to invent the internet. I am the same guy.
I call my original design, The Singing Faucet. You might experience difficulty holding back laughter when you view my video below, but remember, all great inventions start somewhere.
My people have been in negotiations with Dolly Parton’s people. Dolly, known for being a talented multi-instrumentalist, told me she wants to use one of my Singing Faucets for her next album project.
Watch my video below to see the Singing Faucet in action.
Wait, there is more. I have a second companion musical faucet for those who are not musically talented. This musical faucet, capitalizes on the public’s propensity for streaming music. I call this invention, The Streaming Faucet.
Can you see the potential of these new concepts? Remember, as good as the Singing Faucet sounded; I am not a professional musician. Wait until you hear the Singing Faucet in Dolly Parton’s hands.
Enough talk. I think my two videos above, which I filmed in my inventor’s laboratory, or should I say lavatory, speak for themselves.
If you would like one or both of my Musical Faucets installed in your home, call my professional plumber, Rob Kampbell, founder and owner of RK Plumbing. T: 253-588-1228. Rob will have you entertaining your friends in no time. When not installing my Musical Faucets, Rob can be found performing standard plumbing installations and repairs. We feel RK Plumbing’s craftsmanship around our home for close to 30 years to be what one could consider impeccable plumbing art. The vendor recommendation portion of this paragraph is the more serious part of this entire column.
NOTE: ***Colossal. It is interesting to me to observe an unusual vocabulary phenomenon. I have used the word, colossal, orally for close to 3/4 of a century, but have never written or spelled the word, colossal, until this very article in paragraph #3 above. Have you ever had this kind of vocabulary experience?
Another good idea down the drain.
In reality, the singing fawcet is simply worn out from use. The turbulence of water rushing through causes the worn parts to vibrate producing a sound. The variability of water flow changes the pitch, ergo “singing”.
Sorry, one can’t invent something already in the public domain.
And the internet was not invented by one person, but a dedicated assemblege of scientists and engineers developing advancing technologies that evolved into what we know as the information super highway.
Sorry to rain on your parade…..
LOL, of course, the word colossal has been in my vocabulary since my childhood, too. But you know what? I also hardly use it ever. Erich Kaestner, German author of so many children’s books, poems, and a few books for the disillusioned grown-up put the word into his little protagonist Emil’s mouth. It always seemed to big a word for small kid. I know it in the context of colossal architectur, describing sioze rather than class. And it hides in Rome’s Colosseum, of course – now, that’s a word I have used ever so often when talking about Rome, Roman history, or architecture.
Colossal – what a colossally underused word …
Hey Joe….sorry to “blow” your attributions of inventing the Internet out of the water, or maybe ether would be a better word. Howmsoever, I MUST do it!
I know for certain that Neither Al Gore nor you had anything to do with the Internet being “borne”.
How do I know that? Welllllll……in 1975 I was assigned to the “US Army Armor & Engineer Board (ARENBD)” and my duties there were to provide systems development support to ORSA – Operations Research / Systems Analysts whose mission was to determine the efficacy of proposed Tactical Operations and/or New Military Equipment…at the ARENBD that translated to Armor & Engineer stuff.
So I and my fellow military systems analysts and computer programmers provided support for Operational Tests of tactics / proposed equipment. We were able to do that thru the ARPANET (Advanced Research Projects Agency Network) funded by the Dept of Defense.
Our “node” was at Ft Leavenworth, Kansas and the system running that node was a CDC 6500 computer, hooked up to the ARPANET. At first our communicating w/Ft Leavenworth was by punch cards being sent to a data center on the other side of Ft Knox. But we eventually evolved to using USARENBD interactive data terminals that connected at the blazing speed of 2400 BPS, which compared to working with punched cards that entailed a 24-hour turn around, that was awesome!
Through our terminals we sent computer programs (APPS) and data to Ft Leavenworth AND watched, in real-time, the execution of those APPS against the data. We could also send typed messages to people on the net with the limitation of 80 characters/message. Today we call that “texting”.
Major Networked (connected computers) Milestones:
1961 – Leonard Kleinrock develops and produces the concept of Connecting Computers.
1965 – Two computers at MIT Lincoln Lab communicate with one another.
1968 – ARPANET is “borne”.
So….all of that, and much more, occurred before I even was a military computer programmer!
If you are interested, the proverbial “Rest of the Story” can be found at this website:
https://www.livescience.com/20727-internet-history.html
So, did Al Gore “invent” the Intenet…most assuredly no. He did however sponsor some bills while he was in congress that promoted the nation’s use of computers and networks.
And, you Joe….no way.
Chandler has most of the story right. But Ruth Hopper
actually performed the first computer to computer conversation at the Pentagon. That experiment justified the development of the ARPANET. I was there as a young ORSA at the time, That was some time age, I am 90 now.
You are absolutely correctimundo OG. She did a lot of “first” stuff including finding and naming the first Computer “Bug”!
How lucky you are to have worked with that wonderful lady. I have admired her from the very first time I met her when she gave a bunch of us young ‘puter people a truly inspirational yet humorous talk.
I’m 72+ years young now, and loved every ‘puter experience I had over 40 years….especially the “good ole days”.
So all that history is very interesting, BUT, Joe Boyle playing “Amazing Grace” on a faucet nearly brought me to tears! I mean, I think it was “Amazing Grace”… maybe I am projecting a bit. Nonetheless, thank you for reminding me of God’s grace toward a lowly sinner like me (and anyone reading this and everyone not reading this!) Blessings, http://www.StephenNeufeld.com
Sing on!
Try playing both videos at once for a symphonic effect. If you call in your friends, each can be stationed at a faucet ready to do their orchestral part to achieve music that would rival anything at Benaroya.
Sort of.
Thanks to all my readers for reading and to all my commenters for commenting. Thanks to Susanne, Marianne, Shirlee, Stephen, Eric, P. Rose, Larry, and The Old Goat. At The Suburban Times, we appreciate your sharing your comments.
The comments help us learn, make us think, and make us laugh.
Thanks to all.
Joseph Boyle