Can you believe it? It is now 2020. I began writing Westside Story columns back in 2010. This probably means Publisher Ben Sclair is shuffling down to Diamond Designs Unlimited to order my diamond-studded The Suburban Times 10 year pin right now.
Writing Westside Story has been a lot of fun, but it is a huge responsibility. I do not wish to waste my reader’s time. By wasting time, I mean publishing articles readers wish they had not wasted their time reading.
It is possible for a reader to waste time and have it be a good waste of time. This happens when reading a Westside Story ends up being entertaining, educational, comical, or causes a reader to take positive action.
As a writer, I also must write and publish frequently enough. When I do not, readers ask, “When is Joe going to publish another Westside Story? Is Joe okay? Did Joe go to prison?”
To face up to my responsibilities, I am going to write a Westside Story right now. The big challenge is, what should I write about? I have to write something, but what?
[Note: Extra white space is by default. Joe could not think of anything to write about yet.]
I have an idea. I will write about duck tape, or is it duct tape? Now that brings up a sticky subject.
First, a couple of intellectual questions.
Question #1: Have you ever told someone your neighbor is an idiot because they call duct tape, duck tape?
Question #2: Have you ever told someone your neighbor is an idiot because they call duck tape, duct tape?
Not wanting to duck out on the issue, I am prepared to answer all your sticky questions. Once you internalize the free education provided in this Westside Story, your friends will undoubtedly be impressed with your newly acquired cerebral power.
Here is what you need to know about this durable cloth-backed adhesive material. It is appropriately called either duck tape or duct tape. Both idiots referenced above were correct.
Is it duck tape, or is it duct tape?
My extensive research indicates Johnson and Johnson invented the cloth-backed tape during World War II. Soldiers used the tape to wrap their ammunition cans, which were known as ammo cans. Because the tape caused moisture to run off the ammo cans like water off the back of a duck and thereby keep their powder dry, militarists called the handy product, duck tape.
After the war, another primary use for duck tape was found. Heating and air conditioning specialists wrapped the seams on heating and cooling ductwork with this tape. HVAC workers called the product duct tape.
Everyone needs a roll of duck / duct tape at home and a second roll in their car. Duck / duct tape has 1001 creative uses. Let me share some examples of my everyday uses for duck / duct tape.
You have done it again by frittering away 2 minutes and 18 seconds of your life reading one more Westside Story.