Westside Story – The Inventor – Part I

Have you ever asked yourself why Ben Sclair does not publish Westside Story articles more frequently? Let me try to explain the cause of the inordinate lulls between Westside Story columns.

It is not Ben’s fault. A rock-solid reason that sounds fairly impressive is that I have engulfed myself in a whirlwind cycle of high level Westside Story interviews with accomplished politicians, and influential people from throughout the US, Canada, and Ukraine.

While my reason above sounds good, the truth is I only had two meetings with a couple of old retired guys; Jimmy Howe from Tacoma’s West slope and Lenny Holmes from deep in the heart of Oregon. We spent our time together drinking espresso and telling lies about our motorcycle riding adventures.

Back on May 22, 2019, I wrote a column titled, Westside Story – Guys, Foolproof Tips For Avoiding Divorce. The article featured some photos and a storyline that included my 52-year-old BBQ grill.

If you read my column, you know I committed to purchasing a new Weber BBQ grill. Being a man of my word, especially my printed word, as published in Ben Sclair’s award-winning internet newspaper, The Suburban Times, I bought a Weber grill.

Allow me to digress for a moment. Have you ever been tempted to challenge Ben Sclair, by asking him why he refuses to keep up with the times? When I say, “keep up with the times,” I mean The Suburban Times. Ben continues, to this day, to call our beloved local newspaper, The Suburban Times.

Back in the 1800s and for years after that, Lakewood was part of the Tacoma suburbs. Tacoma residents would load a picnic lunch into their horse-drawn buckboard and head out to one of our lakes in what is now Lakewood, which back then was the suburbs.

Against this suburbian backdrop of history, if we were still in the 1800s, naming our local paper The Suburban Times, would have us all agreeing, “Ben knows what he is doing.”

Anyone who knows Ben knows Ben is a busy guy. He must have missed the fact that on February 20, 1996, the Lakewood suburbs became The City of Lakewood. We officially were no longer the suburbs of Tacoma.

We should not become angry with Ben because of his oversight. On the other hand, the next time you see me, ask to sign my petition for updating the name of our favorite local internet newspaper from The Suburban Times to The City Times.

I know I am on to something as there is a building groundswell of support for my idea. I already have three signatures on the petition. My name is not one of the three. Are you kidding? I am not signing my petition. I do not want to lose my friendship with Ben.

To qualify for signing the petition, you must be a resident of Lakewood, University Place, Dupont, or Steilacoom. You have to have lived in the city you designate for 50 or more years.

Okay, back to my original story. So I bought a Weber grill, which is considered by some to be the Cadillac of grills. That being the case, I was disappointed to discover a couple of engineering design flaws. When I find a problem, I never ignore the problem. I immediately and earnestly set out to find a solution.

In doing so, I added a new title to my chain of lifetime achievements. I am now a creative inventor, which explains why I have not written many Westside Story columns recently.

Watch for my next Westside Story when I provide a visual demonstration of my inventions. You will be able to brag to your friends that you know an inventive genius because you know me.

You will be amazed at how I have improved the Weber Grill, which historically has been considered a perfectly flawless product. My prowess as an inventor will compare with that of the creative intellect of the well known and revered Emmet Lathrop, known as Doc Brown in the movie, Back To The Future.

To peak your interest, I have included a photo of my Weber grill modified with my two inventions. My grill enhancements will revolutionize outdoor grilling on an international level.

Don’t miss my next edition of Westside Story when I remove the grill cover to unveil my first two top-secret, patent-pending money-making inventions.

I may go down in the annals of time as an inventor in the company of the greatest inventors of all time.