This past week I made it over to our Lakewood Farmer’s Market after having missed the event for three years in a row. A few of the vendors, seeing me for the first time in three years, asked if I had been in prison.
I very much wanted to connect with the friendly folks at the Master Gardner booth. There were five of them. Being severely outnumbered by the Master Gardeners, I tried to be on my best booth-visitor behavior.
None-the-less, after I briefed the five Master Gardeners on my proposed Gardening Master Plan and prepared to ask a few intelligent questions of the esteemed gardening experts, they laughed at me, out loud, without giving me a single gardening tip. As they individually gasped for air in between bouts of laughter and knee slapping, they told me Master Gardeners could not help me and to get away from their booth.
Does it sound like I was the victim of gardening discrimination? Malcontents looking for a new reason to hit the streets in protest for the pure fun of protesting, blocking traffic and destroying other people’s property, might want to take up my cause to fight the evils of gardening discrimination. Maybe gardeners can become a new protected class right along with those people who lose themselves in long lists of letters which are getting long enough to represent our entire alphabet. An example of what I am referring to can be found in the ever expanding term LGBTQIA used to describe a group of people who are thought to not fit what is considered mainstream society and who feel discriminated against. Gardeners who experience discrimination could adopt some letters too such as HG which could stand for Hobby Gardener or the fancier term, Hobby Gardenist.
Back to my plan. During the past 64 years, the landscape at my house has become covered with an abundance of trees, plants, shrubs, grass, and washed aggregate concrete, but not a single weed for about 2/3rd of an acre.
I thought my plan was simple enough and rather contemporary for our changing times where the unacceptable is now becoming acceptable. I told the Master Gardeners my project could best be described as a three step plan.
- Completely scalp my single family residential home lot of all the trees, shrubs, plants, lawn, and hardscape including the 100 yards of washed aggregate concrete thereby exposing a maximum amount of the earth’s surface.
- Cover all the exposed ground with 6” – 8” of fertile Puyallup Valley topsoil.
- Plant the entire lot in a cash-crop such as marijuana. Doper voters have made marijuana legal, so it seems like the thing to do.
The Master Gardeners all reacted with great laughter and told me they could not help me with my marijuana gardening plan. No gardening tips; not one. Even when I promised to bring back some home grown weed samples, they would not budge from their long established stand against illegal Master Gardening.
While the portion of my article located above documents in quite a few words that I am not Master Gardener material, I think my single photo below, being worth 10,000 words, tells the story with pictorial efficiency.