This past week I made it over to our Lakewood Farmer’s Market after having missed the event for three years in a row. A few of the vendors, seeing me for the first time in three years, asked if I had been in prison.
I very much wanted to connect with the friendly folks at the Master Gardner booth. There were five of them. Being severely outnumbered by the Master Gardeners, I tried to be on my best booth-visitor behavior.
None-the-less, after I briefed the five Master Gardeners on my proposed Gardening Master Plan and prepared to ask a few intelligent questions of the esteemed gardening experts, they laughed at me, out loud, without giving me a single gardening tip. As they individually gasped for air in between bouts of laughter and knee slapping, they told me Master Gardeners could not help me and to get away from their booth.
Does it sound like I was the victim of gardening discrimination? Malcontents looking for a new reason to hit the streets in protest for the pure fun of protesting, blocking traffic and destroying other people’s property, might want to take up my cause to fight the evils of gardening discrimination. Maybe gardeners can become a new protected class right along with those people who lose themselves in long lists of letters which are getting long enough to represent our entire alphabet. An example of what I am referring to can be found in the ever expanding term LGBTQIA used to describe a group of people who are thought to not fit what is considered mainstream society and who feel discriminated against. Gardeners who experience discrimination could adopt some letters too such as HG which could stand for Hobby Gardener or the fancier term, Hobby Gardenist.
Back to my plan. During the past 64 years, the landscape at my house has become covered with an abundance of trees, plants, shrubs, grass, and washed aggregate concrete, but not a single weed for about 2/3rd of an acre.
I thought my plan was simple enough and rather contemporary for our changing times where the unacceptable is now becoming acceptable. I told the Master Gardeners my project could best be described as a three step plan.
- Completely scalp my single family residential home lot of all the trees, shrubs, plants, lawn, and hardscape including the 100 yards of washed aggregate concrete thereby exposing a maximum amount of the earth’s surface.
- Cover all the exposed ground with 6” – 8” of fertile Puyallup Valley topsoil.
- Plant the entire lot in a cash-crop such as marijuana. Doper voters have made marijuana legal, so it seems like the thing to do.
The Master Gardeners all reacted with great laughter and told me they could not help me with my marijuana gardening plan. No gardening tips; not one. Even when I promised to bring back some home grown weed samples, they would not budge from their long established stand against illegal Master Gardening.
While the portion of my article located above documents in quite a few words that I am not Master Gardener material, I think my single photo below, being worth 10,000 words, tells the story with pictorial efficiency.
I’ve heard that Joe wouldn’t know a geranium from a carrot, but maybe I’m wrong. Still, it is good to keep expanding our knowledge over the years. If anyone will listen to our questions. Don’t worry Joe, laughter is a beautiful thing.
I appreciate the fact that lots of people read my columns. Some like, Sir Larry King, above, even comment.
There is another group of people I appreciate. Let me share a couple of examples.
#1. There are the readers who while reading my column noticed my reference to marijuana. Then they looked at my photo, but did not comment with, “Joe has pot on his mind”.
#2. Then there are those readers who looked at my photo, but did not comment, “That photo is a perfect rendition of Joe’s image, based on his writings, for being a crackpot. .
Joseph Boyle
I enjoyed reading your article Joe!
Mr. Pelander, I take your comment as an important compliment because I know you are highly intelectual and a solid thinker. Nice to hear from you.
Joseph Boyle
Your landscaping plan could lead to the establishment of a thriving business! (As a volunteer, perhaps CEO, and former Master Gardener, surely an acronym befitting our collaboration would evolve, i.e. OMGPOT…)
Suzanne Merriam,
Thank you for your creative and enthusiastic ideas. If my Master Garden plan does not go up in smoke, I will certainly want to make you a part of our OMGPOT team.
Joseph Boyle
Joe, Even if you are not a Master Gardener, your friend Larry recognizes plants very well. I know that my wife Sandy has many pots full of Uranium’s and Lobotiums. They are very beautiful. Can.you match that?
Sir Larry, and I respectfully say Sir Larry because I know that while your ancestors did not come to America on the Mayflower, they did arrive by boat. I think the boat was the Kon Tiki.
Anyway, Sir Larry, “Uranium’s and Lobotiums”.. That is funny.
Joseph Boyle
Actually, that photograph shows that you have amazing skills in art and design, too. You could offer degrees in Master Gardenist Artistry (M.G.A.). I am sure it could be the next big field of study for artistic types! It could be a hybrid degree offering exposure to various biological sciences–you know, growing living stuff–and art studies–like Picasso, Rembrandt and Michelangelo and the guy who drew the “Mad” magazine covers)…
Hi Joe,
We can tell you have the gardening bug. Nice container (aka pot) garden! We would like to officially invite you and all others interested in gardening, sustainability, and building stronger communities to apply to become a Master Gardener. People come into the program from a wide variety of backgrounds. Some have never gardened before, others are lifelong gardeners, all have a passion for plants and community service.
You experienced perhaps an extreme example of Master Gardener plant passion at the Lakewood Farmers Market. Normally our clinics have 3-4 volunteers, but sometimes Master Gardeners cannot hold back their enthusiasm to volunteer. Our intention was not to intimidate you with numbers, but your feedback is duly noted.
Presently Master Gardeners cannot consult or answer questions on marijuana. We are federally funded and held back on providing education on and research on this popular plant, despite it being legal in Washington State. If it is ever legalized federally, Master Gardeners would most likely be trained to answer homeowner questions. In the meantime, we know there are Master Pot Growers here in Pierce County that could support your garden efforts. ?
If you want to expand your knowledge on all other plants, the WSU Pierce County Master Gardener program has a research-based training program for you. Applications are available now and are due October 1st. Visit our website to learn more: https://extension.wsu.edu/pierce/mg/ . WSU Master Gardeners do more than staff or many clinics across Pierce County . Check out our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/PCMasterGardener/ to see how we support the community.
Sincerely,
Danielle Harrington, WSU Pierce County Master Gardener Coordinator
Jim Kropf, WSU Pierce County Extension Interim Director, Director of County Administration, and Natural Resources Program Director