About 3:00a in the morning last night I woke up in a cold sweat and could not get back to sleep. I have known for some time that my trouble sleeping was being caused by an overwhelming buildup of guilt festering inside me.
You see I have two secrets I have kept to myself for decades and I realize now it is time for me to come clean.
To clear my conscience, I determined I need to adopt a more loving and sharing attitude. To accomplish my transformation into becoming a much better person, I am going to share, with my readers, the two lifestyle secrets I discovered 57 years ago which I still practice to this day.
It is a fact that most contemporary adults have been living a lie past on to them by their parents, and that lie is all about how you are to behave while eating each of your daily meals.
I discovered the secret truth years and years ago and have conducted my life of high-living by capitalizing on these two secrets. I have lived a life of privilege, albeit a life of secrecy, since making my two earth-shattering discoveries at age 18 right after leaving home.
Now for the first time ever, I am going to share my two secrets with you, my faithful readers. Are you ready? Stay focused. Do not be too quick to allow your negative side to discount my two priceless life secrets.
SECRET #1: I call this secret BACKWARD DESSERT. You need to keep an open mind and be willing to try something different in your life. To accomplish something different under the Backward Dessert concept, all you have to do is eat dessert first. Then if you are still hungry, you can eat your regular lunch or dinner. It is that easy.
Let me share a couple Backward Dessert advantages.
- You never will suffer the challenge of being too full for dessert.
- Say you are in the middle of an average daily meal and suffer a heart attack and die followed by a face plant in the center of your dinner platter causing mash potatoes and peas to fly all over the place. No problem. You have already enjoyed dessert. You won’t miss a thing.
Photo #1: Backward Dessert features pie and a handcrafted Caramel Cappuccino espresso beverage.
SECRET #2: I call this secret HAVE PIE for BREAKFAST. It makes total sense if you think about it, especially if you stick with your fruit pies piled high with whipped cream. You get your fruit. You get your bread in the form of the pie crust. You get your dairy in the form of a mountain of whipped cream. Seems like a well balanced and healthy eating plan to me.
Photo #2: Pie For Breakfast features pie, and a handcrafted Caramel Cappuccino espresso beverage.
If you study Photo 1 and Photo 2 carefully, you will observe that they are very similar in most respects proving that a Backward Dessert or Pie for Breakfast is always easy to duplicate.
You do not have to take my word for the Pie for Breakfast concept. Secret #2 is backed up by science. You see my father-in-law was a renowned research scientist. He always advocated pie for breakfast.
At first, I did not want to eat pie for breakfast because of my faulty upbringing including having been brainwashed as a kid that I should not eat pie for breakfast. It is my father-in-law who thankfully lead me to one of life’s most tightly kept secrets and a better way of life.
Believe me or doubt me, but if you want to seize an elevated level of enjoyment in your life, try Backward Dessert or Pie for Breakfast. I have no doubt you will thank me.
(Note To Reader: Take a big deep breath before trying to read my next sentence.)
If you want to feel better about yourself, so you do not have a negative self-image because you are only a Taker and nothing but a copy-cat incapable of coming up with your own ideas to enhance your life, send me $1 every time you enjoy a Backward Dessert or Pie for Breakfast. That way your self-image in your new hedonistic lifestyle will be that of both a Giver and a Taker. You will feel great every time you enjoy a dessert and send Joe Boyle $1.
I promise to use the dollars you send to buy more desserts.
Oh, if you have not already noticed, check out my Saint Patrick’s Day tablecloth in the photo. As your verbose Irish raconteur, I wish you a Happy Saint Patrick’s Day.
Nan Peele says
Wondering if you grew up in Kansas City and had a grade school teacher named Miss Wilkes, my Aunt Minnie. She lived (or so everyone thought) as a proper lady, BUT I knew a secret, at home, alone, she ate dessert first!!
She was my favorite aunt and I don’t think my parents ever figured out why. ?
Joseph Boyle says
Nan Peele, thank you for reading my Westside Story this morning.
No, I did not grow up in Kansas City and I never had Miss Wilkes in grade school.
But it is funny you should mention Aunt Minnie. Yes, we all called her Aunt Minnie.
You see when I recollect far enough back I remember one of my long distant BAMR (Big Annual Motorcycle Rides) when I rode through Kansas City.
You and your parents probably did not know something else about your Aunt Minnie. She was the President of a secret society called The Backward Desert Eaters of America (TBDEOA). It was so secret you have probably never heard of it. Being a charter member, I was given a map of Kansas City showing me where our society’s president lived.
I stopped by before the dinner hour and Aunt Minnie served up a giant piece of rhubarb pie with whipped cream. Because I was a charter member of the society, she gave me two helpings.
Thanks for the memories.
Joseph Boyle says
I have done it again mixing up desert & dessert. English is such a challenge for me. Joe
You will never mix them up again using the words which are above my stove: “Stressed spelled backward is Desserts!” Though, you may have to occasionally add a new belt hole!
Gary Turney says
The best part about having dessert for your dinner entree is then you can have what comes next – dessert! Nothing beats two desserts.
S webb says
We called it a backwards dinner, starting with dessert….rarely did we get to the next course….used this idea on the kids and they loved it!
Joseph Boyle says
You caught me. We have always called this delightful life option “Backwards dinner and backwards lunch too.”
Originally I wrote my article using those two exact terms, but then was motivated to share my concept in a simpler and shorter fashion. It is always a fight with myself to make my articles as short as I can so they do not take too much time out of my reader’s lives.
Thanks for adding an element of cultural accuracy to my column.
Larry King says
For St. Patrick’s Day you could celebrate with pie and a green beer for breakfast. Yuck. Not for the faint hearted.
Joseph Boyle says
Green beer. While very appropriate for the upcoming drinking man’s holiday, it sounds like an Uber enhanced event to me.
Jean S Reddish says
“Life is uncertain, eat dessert first”.
Linell Jones says
DELIGHTFUL read Mr Boyle! Keep it coming!