NOTE TO READERS: All names printed in this story have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. I say innocent and guilty because, well based on the news; you never know.
I am confident my kids, who are woven into my story, are in the innocent group because neither of them has done any hard prison time.
Any similarity between the names in this story and those of real people from your community is purely coincidental.
OFFICIAL STORY STARTS HERE:
I received a call from my daughter, Polly Graf, out on the Right Coast mentioning she and her husband, Fast Eddie, were having trouble with their modern-day Breville coffee grinder.
Back when my wife and I were fulfilling our role as kids (Kids = like in our 40s) I remember not wanting our parents to target us with unsolicited advice. Accordingly, I really try not to give our kids unsolicited advice. Sometimes, because I am a 75-year-old parent and equally as old as a father-in-law, I cannot help but give our kids, (Kids = like in their 40s), a heavy dose of my ideas and opinions.
So after hearing about Polly’s coffee grinder complaint, I launched forward with some unsolicited advice in my effort to be a helpful hero to my kids.
My advice was the next time their Breville coffee grinder gives them the least bit of trouble, they should dump it off at the Goodwill. Next, they should get themselves a dependable coffee grinder as if their great grandparents were giving them unsolicited advice. The coffee grinder their great grandparents would have suggested in the previous century or perhaps the century before that would have been perfect.
I suggested a coffee grinder they could be historically proud of. This coffee grinder will never let Polly and Fast Eddie down.
What a conversation starter this new grinder will be for those times when they entertain their more discriminating guests.
If Polly and Fast Eddie follow my advice, I would love to see where they make room on their kitchen counter to install their new coffee grinder.
Polly wrote back thanking me for my unsolicited advice and to inform me they plan to get rid of their kitchen sink to create a spot for the new coffee grinder.
Polly and Fast Eddie are making a perfectly genius move until of course, they try to sell their house with bank financing without a kitchen sink. When they decide to sell, I would just list the property as a custom home which should take care of the missing kitchen sink problem.
It should be evident to all that Polly Graf and Fast Eddie are a couple of hip confident individuals who readily recognize that coffee is more important than a kitchen sink.
Polly pointed out that eliminating the kitchen sink will work in their case because they have running water in an upstairs bathtub they can use to wash dishes.
Of course, I will train Fast Eddie on the best speeds for grinding beans for pour-overs and what speeds to use for espresso.
One of the benefits of this coffee grinder is if one grinds and drinks enough coffee each day, they will be able to cut the time spent in the gym. After two or more cups of coffee, they will have already had an upper body workout.
My daughter and son-in-law were gracious about accepting my unsolicited advice. So, I gave them more unsolicited advice.
I said to Polly and Fast Eddie, “Why not promote a thematic retro look throughout your custom kitchen?” Don’t waste money on an expensive modern Cuisinart, like a millennial would do if they had the money.
Instead, grind all the food you want with a classic Enterprise Model 602 “Made in the USA” hand food grinder.
When Polly Graf gets back to me regarding my latest unsolicited food grinder suggestion, I think that will be an opportune time to advise Polly and Fast Eddie on what kind of coffee beans I recommend for their new coffee grinder.
I wonder why Polly Graf has not called me back yet?