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How Far is Out of the Way? What’s Doing the Right Thing?

November 16, 2018 By Don Doman

Family ties run deep, even scattered away from home. My mom Mary was an identical twin. She and Virginia were born in Oklahoma, but grew up in Nevada, Missouri until they were married. Virginia and her husband moved to the Tacoma area right after World War II. My mom and Dad and I, moved out here two years later. My mom and her sister, Virginia were always close. Virginia’s daughter, Lindy was two years younger than I, but only one year different in school.

My Aunt Virginia (left), Grandmother Mary Cummins (center), and my mom, Mary Doman. (right)

We were the oldest children in our families. Lindy’s middle brother, Chuck stayed most of one summer with our family at our home and motel in Ponders Corner. He was like the little brother I never had. His brother Bobby, was the youngest brother and the closest to the ages of my two sisters. We were always close. Lindy teaches drama at Wayne State and is looking at leaving Detroit with her husband and moving home. Chuck lives in Arizona. When he visits Tacoma, he has stayed with us a few times.

Once we held a family meeting because my father was having an affair, which broke my mother’s heart. We were looking for solutions to the problem. Chuck spoke up, “I could have him killed.” We declined the offer . . . but we had to think about first.

In Anchorage about a month ago, I noticed an elderly wheelchair bound woman about fifty feet from the crosswalk.

One family Christmas party featured Chuck as Santa Claus. He had his young daughter Carlea sit on his knee. Chuck, Lindy, and I all kind of look the same: brown hair, brown eyes. Carlea fits the mold. She’s bounced around a bit and now makes Alaska her home. We only recently became Facebook friends when she asked about an article I wrote about my grandmother traveling by covered wagon from Texas to New Mexico with a stop off in Oklahoma.

Carlea Irwin wrote a post on Facebook about helping people. She said, “In Anchorage about a month ago, I noticed an elderly wheelchair bound woman about fifty feet from the crosswalk on 5th. She was making no effort to wheel herself, no doubt exhausted from the effort it took her to get to where she was. 30 . . . maybe 40 people of various ages walked by and around her careful not to make eye contact with her, lest she ask them for help. All I could see was someone’s mother, grandmother, sister, or aunt being actively ignored when she clearly needed a bit of help. I was overloaded with my own shopping bags. I was trying to figure out how I could push her and lug my items at the same time. I approached and asked if she would like help across the street. She broke down in tears and said ‘If it isn’t too much trouble.’ Too much trouble? I thought to myself. Too much trouble? I hung my bags on the handles of her chair and proceeded to push her 8 blocks in the opposite direction of where I was going. We finally arrived at her destination. She was safe.

Cousin Carlea Iriwn.

I just don’t understand when society deemed it acceptable to ignore our elders. Why was I the only person that bothered by this? She said it was a miracle that I came along and even cried as she thanked me. I told her what I had done was no big deal and she was the real miracle. All I did was the right thing. It was nothing miraculous. When did doing nothing become socially acceptable?”

I was moved . . . and proud. I commented on her post: “Carlea, far from being unusual or a good Samaritan, I think you are just one plain good example of how human beings should act. Thank you, for being you.” She responded, “It was simply the right thing to do.”

I agree. My wife Peggy and I have long felt that we should treat friends like family, and be friends with our family. When in doubt . . . just be kind.

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About Don Doman

Don Doman: Professional writer and author. Ideas and Training - Human Resources/business training products for modern business. PublicDoman - Video production, internet video, website construction and online marketing and social media. NW Adventures - Fun places to visit in the Pacific Northwest: Great Restaurants, Lodging, and People. The Doman Directories - Business directory listings for many categories in Tacoma, Pierce County, and Washington State. FindItWashington - Local search engine for Washington State.

Comments

  1. Dennis Flannigan says

    November 17, 2018 at 7:07 am

    Don, good, well even better than good posting. Kindness at every moment saves us having to decide to be helpful or just walk on by. I miss the 100% mark daily, but too often pausing to help leads to a new friend, or some homeless person gets a meal after standing for hours by the freeway entrance. In short, you did good posting article, and you Alaska lady can stand tall.

  2. Don Doman says

    November 17, 2018 at 10:36 am

    Dennis,
    Thanks for writing and for comments. It’s sometimes a pity that comments from The Suburban Times and Facebook don’t co-mingle. The Alaska lady is my cousin Carlea, and the article brought forth a memory in my cousin Chris from Missouri: “A similar story is our daughter Amy, as a single mom, had arrived in the Sea-Tac airport and was juggling three small children and her luggage when a woman approached her and asked her if she needed help or a ride. Amy was waiting for a friend to pick her up so she declined and thanked the woman and then said, “aren’t you someone famous?” The woman smiled and walked away. It was Liza Minnelli.”
    I love comments and questions they add so much to every article or post.
    Thanks for your’s Denny.

  3. Willow says

    November 17, 2018 at 1:09 pm

    When I returned to Lakewood after living in the metro D.C. area I went through culture shock. Instead of being hung up on when contacting a utility company I was politely served by the company representative. Instead of salespeople ignoring you or acting like I was slathered in excrement I was greeted with a smile. I still tell service people how much I appreciate their friendliness and helpfulness. Politeness never goes out of style. Helping others only makes me feel better about myself.

    • Don Doman says

      November 17, 2018 at 6:58 pm

      Willow,
      I love our little slice of heaven. We’re not perfect but generally people are helpful. Several people have giving me example of both helpful people and people who needed help and didn’t get it. You might enjoy a similar article I wrote: thesubtimes.com/2018/06/25/help-is-waiting-if-you-need-it/ Even babies want to help . . . I think mostly people don’t want to embarrass people so are afraid to ask if someone needs assistance.
      Thanks for comments and for reading.
      Don

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