As you probably know, Lakewood City Council is processing a decision regarding allowing or not allowing dope shops inside the city limits. It is my hope Lakewood will be able to take the high road by complying with Federal Law which considers marijuana and dope shops illegal.
The problem is money talks. Money motivates politicians and money motivates political decisions. Money, money, money.
Based on that logic, maybe, just maybe, if I can’t beat the dopers, I should join them and make some obscene amounts of cash myself.
If the dopers win, I plan to generate a new startup business patterned after Uber and Lyft. My new company will be called GetHigh. Stoners will be able to telephonically order their marijuana products by using my new GetHigh Stoners smartphone app.
GetHigh promises to deliver dope orders before the cannabis client begins to suffer from withdrawal. Customers will be able to track the location of their incoming weed order on a nifty GPS map on the GetHigh Stoners app.
If GetHigh delivers later than 30 minutes from the time of order, we will provide the doper with a coupon good for one baggie of black tar heroin.
Anyone wanting in on the ground level of GetHigh before the IPO merely needs to send $100,000 in small bills to my Post Office Box. I use a Post Office Box to avoid having the Federal Government find me. Remember marijuana is illegal.
$100,000 will buy you one share. GetHigh will pay Dividends in cash or weed, your choice. That way you can spend or smoke your return on investment.
To get you excited about the possibilities, gaze upon the photo of my prototype GetHigh Weed Delivery Vehicle.Weed Delivery Vehicle. GetHigh Company Mission Statement = You Call, We Haul.
To pull the wool over the eyes of people with kids, we will have rules mandating that the GetHigh Weed Delivery Vehicles must take circuitous routes to not drive within 1000 feet of no weed zones like daycare establishments and schools.
For additional protection against letting weed fall into the hands of the young, Lakewood’s traffic engineering could post signs delineating the drug-free zones around daycares and schools. Maybe a parking space just beyond the 1000’ sign designated for Weed Delivery Vehicles Only would be a useful enhancement.
Another smart step for politicians would be to require that Weed Delivery Vehicles play Eric Clapton’s famous song, Cocaine, at 190 decibels through a public address system just like the ice cream trucks.
With the song, Cocaine, playing small children would not confuse the Weed Delivery Vehicle with the traditional ice cream truck’s jingle. Another benefit for the Cocaine song idea is the older kids would know where to walk beyond the 1000’ radius to get their stuff. Their dope smoking parents who voted for legal weed in the first place will like this idea because it will keep junior from stealing their parental stash from home.
I firmly believe my rock (Note: I am using the term rock in the traditional sense and is not meant to refer to rock cocaine.) solid business plan combined with the work of Representative Sawyer, the stoners, and local politicians will inevitably help me weed out the competition.
Unless you attended my high school psychology class, you might not know how dopey ideas gain acceptance. 1st: Your intelligence and common sense lead you to reject dopey ideas. 2nd: When the idea has been around long enough, it becomes the norm, and you begin to tolerate the dopey idea. 3rd: You accept, actually embrace the idea and before you know it, you are a doper too and are left in a haze wondering what all the fuss was.
I know this concept is valid because my 55 year old high school diploma documents that learned the 3 steps to evil idea acceptance in high school.
If you think my Weed Delivery Vehicle idea is dopey, then maybe dope shops in Lakewood is a dopey idea too.
If you do not agree with me, don’t get angry. Get high. Light up some weed and relax.