Have you ever noticed that the City of Lakewood uses a copy-cat style of management? They check to see what other cities are doing, and then copy the other cities. It is kind of like, “Well duh, they are doing it, so we can too.”
The copy-cat style of reasoning helped lubricate the skids when Lakewood City Council voted Yes on the Rental Housing Safety Program, known as the R.I.P.
Using that same line of reasoning, “Well duh, they are doing it in India; so we can too,” offers Lakewood the opportunity to justify buying their Rental Housing Safety Inspector an Official Rental Housing Safety Elephant instead of an official city vehicle.
Of course the elephant, like the car, can only be used for Official Lakewood Business, because the elephant is official.
When Lakewood decides to invade a renter’s privacy, there will be no doubt in anyone’s mind within a two block radius that there is a knock at the renter’s door when the Rental Safety Elephant bangs the door with his trunk.
If the renter refuses to open the door, the Lakewood Safety Inspector & Privacy Eradicator can jab the Rental Safety Elephant one time causing the trained Rental Safety Elephant to blow the door clean off its hinges.
Wait, using a Rental Safety Elephant gets better. If the rental property fails the Official Rental Housing Safety Checklist, the inspector can give two jabs to the Rental Safety Elephant, and the elephant will flatten the entire rental to ground level.
Another positive about the Rental Housing Safety Elephant is the elephant never needs an oil change.
While everyone should know I am against the R.I.P., I have been tested and certified to be a team player. Based on that, I offer this innovative enhancement for the Rental Housing Safety Program because a City-owned Rental Housing Safety Elephant does make as much sense as the program itself.
And finally, it should be evident that I am, after all, here to help.