Have you noticed Lakewood is still not doing anything about homeless people stealing $350 market-baskets, commonly called shopping-carts or grocery-buggies?
Even though there is an easy, inexpensive, and effective solution to the market-basket theft/blight/safety problem, Lakewood refuses to take action.
Just this morning I was enjoying a cup of custom crafted Cuban espresso with my pal Jimmy over at Joe’s Java Jive when the subject of market-baskets rolled into our conversation.
Jimmy announced plans to open a custom market-basket business. His business plan is based on Lakewood’s continuing willingness to be an enabler to market-basket thieves thereby encouraging them to steal as many carts as they want with absolutely no negative consequences. Additionally, Lakewood has taken a strong position on Lakewood citizen safety as evidenced by their blind support of the Rental Housing Safety Program.
Jimmy’s all-terrain market baskets offer the following advantages:
- Lakewood can strengthen its image as an enabler to market-basket thieves.
- The homeless will pour into Lakewood knowing that they are free to steal market-baskets.
- Lakewood will become the world headquarters for Jimmy’s Market-Basket Custom Shop, which makes our city an ideal location for homeless market-basket thieves.
- Taxpaying citizens, especially those with baby carriages and wheelchairs, will be safer because they will not have to dodge stolen fully loaded market-baskets abandoned on the sidewalks.
- Homeless people will be more safe because, with the custom all-terrain wheels, they will be able to push their stolen market-baskets off the sidewalks into the woods including fording creeks and rivers without fear of drowning. Jimmy’s custom market-basket wheels float so homeless market-basket thieves will be able to walk on water.
To give you a better idea, Jimmy wanted to show us his prototype known as model 3R1 all terrain market-basket.
Combining Jimmy’s custom market-basket with the Rental Housing Safety Program will make the City of Lakewood one of our nation’s safest cities.