Have you noticed Lakewood is still not doing anything about homeless people stealing $350 market-baskets, commonly called shopping-carts or grocery-buggies?
Even though there is an easy, inexpensive, and effective solution to the market-basket theft/blight/safety problem, Lakewood refuses to take action.
Just this morning I was enjoying a cup of custom crafted Cuban espresso with my pal Jimmy over at Joe’s Java Jive when the subject of market-baskets rolled into our conversation.
Jimmy announced plans to open a custom market-basket business. His business plan is based on Lakewood’s continuing willingness to be an enabler to market-basket thieves thereby encouraging them to steal as many carts as they want with absolutely no negative consequences. Additionally, Lakewood has taken a strong position on Lakewood citizen safety as evidenced by their blind support of the Rental Housing Safety Program.
Jimmy’s all-terrain market baskets offer the following advantages:
- Lakewood can strengthen its image as an enabler to market-basket thieves.
- The homeless will pour into Lakewood knowing that they are free to steal market-baskets.
- Lakewood will become the world headquarters for Jimmy’s Market-Basket Custom Shop, which makes our city an ideal location for homeless market-basket thieves.
- Taxpaying citizens, especially those with baby carriages and wheelchairs, will be safer because they will not have to dodge stolen fully loaded market-baskets abandoned on the sidewalks.
- Homeless people will be more safe because, with the custom all-terrain wheels, they will be able to push their stolen market-baskets off the sidewalks into the woods including fording creeks and rivers without fear of drowning. Jimmy’s custom market-basket wheels float so homeless market-basket thieves will be able to walk on water.
To give you a better idea, Jimmy wanted to show us his prototype known as model 3R1 all terrain market-basket.
Combining Jimmy’s custom market-basket with the Rental Housing Safety Program will make the City of Lakewood one of our nation’s safest cities.
Hilarious. Olympia would be a good market too.
I’m glad that there is still humour within our community. Otherwise I would have had to say – “No, I haven’t noticed Lakewood has not addressed this particular issue. What I have noticed is that Lakewood has not addressed the Homeless issue at all!”.
Lakewood has taken a strong position on Lakewood citizen safety as evidenced by their open support of the Rental Housing Safety Program.
The Rental Housing Safety Program will make the City of Lakewood one of our nation’s safest cities.
Thank you City Council.
I’ve always heard that DuPont does not have a homeless problem because they don’t have a bus line and they don’t have a grocery store with shopping carts. It’s coming…