Public Content Warning: This article contains rock solid facts, strong opinions, ample portions of exaggeration and Irish blarney only suitable for those who are 18 or older possessing an open mind, sense of humor, and burning desire to be exposed to a thought provoking alternative view of life without getting angry. The graphic image contained in this article is suitable for mature audiences only.
After president-elect Donald Trump’s surprising victory, the man in the photo, identified only as Hector, became fearful he would be deported back to the City of Lakewood where renters are going to be subject to warrantless searches in their private rental homes in what Hector feels is equivalent to a violation of his Fourth Amendment Rights.
With the threat of deportation and rental inspections hanging over his head, Hector threatened suicide by leaping to his death.
I was able to talk Hector down by explaining that he cannot reliably commit the classic 1929, stock market crash, jump out the window style suicide, in the City of Lakewood because Lakewood’s buildings, unlike New York and Chicago, are too short.
I am reminded of what my dad, Bill Boyle, who was the lover of wisdom, taught me. “Joe. It is not the fall that kills you. It is the sudden stop.”
I explained to Hector that because this particular window was less than two feet off the ground, all he could expect would be a twisted ankle and a pair of muddy purple socks. Hector, never having committed suicide before, did not possess a clear view of how window-suicide works and therefore found my words most illuminating.
The neighbors within view of the jumper, who spend all their spare time watching reality TV, expected and demanded some live action. They chanted loudly, “Jump Hector, jump.”
This window jumping discussion reminds me of the time in 1962 when I jumped out a window and lived to tell about it. I was in my Puyallup High School physics class. My teacher, Mr. Prevost, asked me to explain the wave theory. He then turned around to face the blackboard with chalk in hand to record my answer.
If I may digress a moment, let me hasten to admit to calling blackboards, blackboards during my youth. They were boards and they were black; therefore, blackboards. The descriptive noun had nothing to with African Americans, prejudice or hatred. Guess what black people called them back then? Blackboards.
In our current times, the political correctness language police wish to make a deal out of the word, blackboard, declaring it to be politically incorrect, racist and hurtful.
Next came whiteboards which I guess might have been a part of integrating our schools. Whiteboard. Blackboard. Gracious, what next? Brownboards and greenboards.
Shall we call them chalk boards? No, we can’t do that because a whiteboard does not use chalk or if someone makes the mistake of using chalk, there will be no student learning because you can’t read the white chalk letters on the whiteboard.
Whiteboard users write with colored erasable pens. Wait, I just used the word colored. Someone might take offense to my use of what historically has been an acceptable word, when properly used.
Let me say whiteboard users write with a selection of marking devices that offer a rainbow variety of hues. Oh, I am thinking that word rainbow has been put on a no, no, special meaning word list too.
It is so difficult to communicate without getting into trouble for using a word that the language police have declared to be off limits. Many words used in the past have now been condemned.
To avoid the possibility of offending anyone because of political incorrectness, I better rewrite my potentially controversial sentence.
POLITICALLY CORRECT SENTENCE: My teacher, Mr. Prevost, asked me to explain the wave theory. He turned around to face the multicultural friendly, all inclusive, hard surface, chalk documentation device, set on a vertical plane, to record my intellectually gifted answer to his physics question related to wave theory.
Everyone appreciated that the documentation device was able to record my answer in English and 17 different languages including Pig Latin along with various geographical dialects.
While it has not happened yet, we better watch for the word documentation on the condemned word list. It is fairly close to the word undocumented used in the terminology, undocumented alien.
In the meantime, having never cracked open my physics book, I had no clue what the answer to the physics question was. What could I do?
I decided the best course of action would be a well crafted diversion to get Mr. Prevost’s mind off the question at hand, so I jumped out the window. The class broke into uproarious laughter. The last thing the class saw was the bottoms of my felony flyers.
Had I broken my neck, my classmates would have continued to support my improvisational stunt by falling out of their student desks with laughter. When Mr. Prevost turned around to face the class, Joe Boyle was gone.
Luckily the physics class was on the ground floor.
When I circled back down the hallway, Mr. Prevost spotted me and said I could return to class with no obligation to answer the question.
Back to Hector. Hector’s last words as he looked down and pointed were, “Those people down there look like tiny ants.” I yelled back, “Hector, those are ants. You are on the first floor.”
Hector climbed down to safety.
Some have suggested I am a hero and that the Lakewood City Council should present me with a Life Saving Award. I say no, no, to these kind overtures. I am just a plain and simple guy doing what any plain and simple guy with an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time would do. Yes, my omnipresence allows me to save lives and that my friends, is a true gift.
I find this article highly offensive and racially motivated to argue against the evolution of our english language and to make fun of the serious problem of suicide and again to knock the city councils safety program. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. etc.
David, That should be “council’s.” And if people knock the RIP plan, the city council deserves it. I hope voters remember this come election time.
I miss the sound of fingernails scraping on blackboards.
Council is Safety program?
I hope the last comment is done in the name of hilarity–I thought the article was pretty funny!
Do we need a new term for ‘Pig Latin’?
Ms. Tainer,
“Pig Latin.” You are so correct. I did not think of that. It is so easy to offend others with language even when there is no intent to do so
“Pig Latin”. Now I have offended myself. When I began my career as a police officer, my nephew, who was 13 at the time, asked me a question. “Uncle Pig, are you starting to have strong cravings for donuts?”
The word pig is so hurtful. I have not been able to eat bacon for the past 27 years.
I certainly look forward to the day when our language police publicly condem the use of the word pig in polite society.
From now on, I will refer to pigs as stubby, curly tailed, roly-poly barnyard animals. I do wish to be politically correct.
Or do you think I am over-reacting? Maybe my newphew was just joking.
Political correctness is so hard.
Joseph Boyle
ank-thay ou-yay!
No bacon for 27 years. It’s a crime.
Ms. Tainer,
Crime? Okay, I did not realize. I think I will ask my wife to make a BLT. I will be eating bacon if she does, but please notice, I did not use the word PIG.
Joseph Boyle
Thank God, Buddha, Mohammed and Gandhi for Joe Boyle.
Alyce Brame-Galyean
Yes, it’s always hilarious to make jokes about suicide and those who actually have loved ones or themselves battling such realities, or who’ve lost the battle.
I second what David Wilson said. SHAME!
‘They chanted loudly, “Jump Hector, jump.”‘ SERIOUSLY??
Perhaps you made yourself chuckle while feeling clever enough to attribute this ridiculous RIP nonsense to a mock-suicide joke (though I’m using the word “joke” incorrectly…). Suicide is not, has never been, and never will be a joke. Ask any parent who lost a child, or a spouse who lost their soul-mate (not too hard to find with the huge numbers of military veterans with severe PTSD who were failed by the VA — but I digress). Show them your story here and then see how happy you are with posting it. See how clever you feel after looking into their eyes.
I follow the Suburban Times multiple times each week. I’ve seen my share of “stories” that made me want to comment when inappropriate wouldn’t even begin to describe them. Not this time though.
With Western State’s idea to stop taking non-criminal/violent patients (if WS even exists in a year), and the rediculousness of funding an over $50 BILLION Sound Transit measure that will not benefit most — especially in Pierce County…THEN to have the county council vote against a tiny sales tax increase to make mental health services more available to residents (to include our homeless population). It’s a disgrace. A complete and utter disgrace.
I hope the feeling you have with this life you so proudly proclaim you “saved” is the closest you ever come to knowing someone who actually desires or chooses to end their life. I honestly hope you never experience that pain, that heartbreak. And I sincerely hope this will be the last time you post such mockery on the devastation of suicide.
Even more though I hope whoever is supposed to be reviewing and moderating the content of this site realizes the huge mistake they’ve made in allowing this mess to be printed. Would that person be Ben Sclair? I am one saddened and disappointed Lakewood resident. And I’m not sure The Suburban Times is compatible with my experiences any longer. Perhaps I’m not alone in that sentiment.
Mr. Huck,
I completely understand your viewpoint and will not argue any of your points, except one.
I do not need to talk to anyone else about suicide. I have lost count on the number of suicides I have experienced or personally dealt with in my lifetime. By personally dealth with I mean I was with the dead after the suicide. I have experienced the “pain” and “heartbreak” of losing a friend to suicide.
My suicide experience started in 1949 when I was in the first grade. That event is burned into my memory. Following that the suicides never stopped and have continued throughout my lifetime.
Yes, I agree suicide is serious business. I have on several occasions had the opportunity to try to prevent a suicide and because of my previous life expereince with suicide, I have chosen, without hesitation, to take action. I am on record for having physically interrupted two suicdes that were in process.
Because I am sensitive to the risk of suicide, I am on occasion able to identify individuals who are potential suicide risks. When I do, I take action.
None the less, I stand by my article. It does not surprise me that some readers, like you and Mr. Wilson, hate what I wrote. Others saw my writing from a different perspective and have indicated that they loved reading what I wrote.
Thank you for sharing your honest feeling and opinion.
All my stories are marked Westside Story in the headline which can serve as a convenient warning to you that unpredictable prose may follow. The Westside Story label should afford you the freedom of not reading what I write should you deem that to be an appropriate course of action in the future.
Joseph Boyle
Again, thank you. Well done.
Mr. Sclair presents the Suburban Times as an open forum. It is not filtered or edited as other news sources.
On some level I understand Mr. Huck, and sympathize. However, I can’t help feeling the irony that someone took offense at an article attacking our sensitivity.
As for the sandwich, I would hope you would man up and MAKE IT YOURSELF.
Oh, and Mr. Wilson, it’s not a safety program, it’s a money grab. A violation of individual’s homes. An intrusion in a private business arrangement. Tacoma’s got a similar program. $110 per year buys your license to operate. They’ve ‘inspected’ a couple of times, they say, I’ve never seen them.
I laughed as I read your piece and thought it right on. For my 80+ years I’ve used the English language to express my thoughts and feelings as they are defined in the Webster Dictionary. If certain folks want to shanghai certain of those words for their own use and definitions and make those of us who use them as part of our every day vocabulary twisting the original meanings then that’s their problem, not mine. I feel sorry for those that feel slighted, abused, or offended by simple normal everyday words when there was not other intent implied. I truly hope this political correctness that has been carried too far will soon fade away as a political fad of the times.