Westside Story – Tupperware Party

How about that 3rd and final Presidential Debate? Yes, while it was mistakenly billed as the last presidential debate, there is a much larger 4th and final presidential debate coming up on November 8, 2016.

Charlie Black of The Wall Street Journal reported that no matter who wins the presidency, a record-breaking number of Americans will dislike our next president. 56% of Americans view Hilly Clinton unfavorably. 68% of Americans view Donny Trump unfavorably.

The answer to America’s projected unhappiness can be found in the 4th and final presidential debate which will not take place on TV, but rather in each voter’s mind. Shall we or shall we not vote for write-in candidate, Joseph Boyle for President?

Boyle’s Tupperware Party will bring an end to the stifling two-party system. Why? Because the Tupperware Party has a track record for keeping top secret government information air tight and for maintaining fresh ideas.

Tupperware Party meetings are being held all over the country creating a grassroots groundswell of support for Joseph Boyle President. If you would like to share in the excitement, host a Tupperware Party meeting at your house.

Let’s examine some fresh ideas brought to you by the Tupperware Party.

Tupperware Party Fresh Idea #1:

In the words of Donny Trump, Alfred E. Neumann, you are fired.

While many agree having Hilly Clinton as our first female president would be an important first-time achievement in terms of creating gender equality, the Tupperware Party offers an equally excellent idea for breaking another historically discriminatory glass ceiling. We have never had a brother and sister in the White House.

Alfred E. Neuman is stepping down for the good and unity of America and in his place, Joseph Boyle has named his sister, Peg Boyle Morgan, for vice president. If elected, the two Boyle kids will be the first brother — sister team to occupy the White House as president and vice president.

Another advantage of the double Boyle ticket is Joseph Boyle’s advanced age. It is doubtful he will live long enough to complete 8 years in the White House especially if he writes any more articles about the City of Lakewood’s RIP.

This means that it is likely our first female vice president, Peg Boyle Morgan, will become our first female president.

Presidential candidate Joseph Boyle and Vice Presidential candidate Peg Boyle Morgan photographed after a big Tupperware Party Rally at Stanley & Seafort’s.

Tupperware Party Fresh Idea #2:

Instead of building an expensive giant wall to protect our borders, as Trump proposes, the double Boyle ticket plans to dig a giant ditch patterned after the Grand Canyon called Ditch America.

Ditch America will be approximately 1 mile deep and 1 mile wide. Ditch America will run 3,073 miles coast to coast from the Atlantic to the Pacific. The ditch will sport the slogan, “Dig deep to protect America”.

Ditch America will be more utilitarian than the Grand Canyon because it will include features never before seen in the Grand Canyon, such as…

A coast to coast continental transportation system including a 12 lane freeway fully expandable up to 435 lanes, a Venice style boat canal, rapid rail transit, HOV lane for vehicles transporting 12 or more people, bus only lane and a lane for walkers, joggers, skateboarders, bicycle riders, Segway operators and people who like to skip a lot. Additionally, of course, there will be a Starbucks every ten miles.

Ditch America will be bigger and more famous than Route 66 with a TV show and song to follow.

The plan will generate no new taxes. Ditch America will be funded by a toll system. Everyone who plays pays.

All the material that is dug out of Ditch America will be sold to China for their project to fill in the Sea of Japan in China’s effort to increase their land mass to accommodate more people so they can make more goods for America.

Proceeds from China will be used to reduce our national debt.

Tupperware Party Fresh Idea #3:

For those very few illegal aliens who manage to sneak over the US – Mexican border, somehow circumventing the security provided by Ditch America, we will simply keep them running north until we can pop them over the US – Canadian border. There is plenty of room in Canada for more people and Canada does not allow handguns, so everyone will be safe.

Tupperware Party Fresh Idea #4:

Neither of our two mainline candidates has talked about it much, but you can be sure the double Boyle ticket will bring our Alaska problem into the spotlight. The Boyles will put a stop to allowing Alaskans leaving Alaska for what they call, “The lower 48”. When they come to our country, they bring their insidious “last frontier” attitude with them which causes them to think of us in the lower 48 as sissies. Boyle will put a stop to that.

Boyles propose a giant wall made of Alaskan ice blocks and we will make Alaska provide the ice. No tax increase for Americans in the lower 48. After all, American’s in the lower 48 are the true and original Americans, that made America great. Alaska only became a part of America because a Russian politician outfoxed an American politician and in the end walked with the cash while America ended up with a giant piece of frozen desolate barren land. The American tried to palm it off as the highly advantageous Alaska purchase, but as our research shows, Alaska is nothing but trouble.

Tupperware Fresh Idea #5:

To avoid the Hilly Clinton e-mail fiasco, by presidential proclamation, the Boyles will make it mandatory that no government employee be allowed to use email for government work or for personal use.

In the place of email, all written communications will be accomplished using those old fashioned NCR (No Carbon Required) multi-page Write-It Don’t-Say-It memos. Bringing back paper will stymie the Russians from hacking into our communications. Sometimes moving backward can move government forward.

Joseph Boyle has a business and law enforcement background so he can bring no-nonsense law and order to our country and the world. Peg Boyle Morgan has a background as a psychiatric social worker and as a minister, so she can bring our country a series of programs to solve society’s ills. The Boyle ticket is well balanced for leadership much like having a Republican and a Democrat in the White House at the same time. That will be another first.

When you go to the polls, remember America is on the brink of ruin. Let Joseph Boyle and Peg Boyle Morgan finish the job.