Letter: Sock it to ‘em, Mariners

How the Mariners can win the Pennant.

Sing it with me (to the tune of the Armour hotdog song. Not the ‘take-me-out-to-the-ballgame hotdog song):

‘Wild socks, crazy wild socks,
What kinds of socks are worn called wild socks?
Striped socks, patterned socks, novelty socks too,
Flower socks, toe socks, ‘Sup nerd socks in every hue,
Yes, those socks, even unmatched pair socks,
The socks for a new you!’

Unless you’re a baseball fan. Seriously. Follow my thread.

Putting your best foot forward – adorned in whatever funky sock theme imaginable – will put you a step or two up on the ladder of success according to a study by social psychologist Dr. Adam Galinksy as reported recently in The New York Times. At least that’s how Ryan Girdusky, for “Red Alert Politics”, spins this yarn.

You would think Girdusky’s headline “Wear crazy socks: They’ll make you intriguing and successful, study confirms” would come unraveled upon closer inspection, but evidently nothing threadbare here. Dr. Galinsky, according to writer Girdusky (not believed related), is not pulling our leg.

At first glance it would seem a stretch of credulity – not to mention socks – that “the crazier the sock, the more intriguing, rebellious, and successful the man.” But indeed, to hear Galinsky and Girdusky (now there’s a pair for you) tell it, if you want to sock it to your boss (several puns intended throughout here) or co-workers, let alone voters in this presidential-election-sometimes-silly-season, you will “be noticed in a positive light” – especially if your socks shine in the dark – simply by giving your feet some fashion.

Want to be perceived as “vivacious, innovative, and intriguing”? Change your socks.

Want to “build a brand as ‘the gutsy guy’ or a creative type”? Change your socks.

On the other hand – or foot – if you want the Mariners to win the World Series, don’t change your socks.

I once wrote an article hoping someone would forward it to the Mariner front office (evidently no one did, hence the team’s dismal performance that season) based – like this sock thing – on actual research. According to the March 8, 2013 issue of the British Journal of Psychology, as reported in Newsmaxhealth.com, those who chewed gum in this study “had quicker reaction times and more accurate results than those who didn’t chew gum.” Not only that, but in the study that compared chewers vs. non-chewers while doing math problems, “as the end of the task approached,” mental agility and “accuracy actually increased.”

So if it works for doing math, why shouldn’t it work for the Mariners?

Quicker reactions to lay off the curves out of the strike zone; faster stealing bases; more accurate with their throws and – and this is BIG – in the waning innings with all the zeros on the scoreboard and the game on the line and another no-hitter performance by Hernandez at stake and The King’s Court most definitely in session – the Mariners are peaking! Peaking! “As the end of the task approached” they’re peaking!

And all as a result of chewing bubble gum!

Now, add to this the fans refusing to change their socks – all season long if need be but at minimum during a win streak – and what do you have, other than the odorous, er obvious?

A pennant. You don’t, after all, want that “detergent to wash out all the mojo” now do you?

I didn’t think so.

Go Mariners.