Last week my daughter rolled in on a big jet from the East Coast. We met up the next morning before breakfast at Java Joe’s, an exclusive Lakewood coffee spot. Actually, Java Joe’s is so exclusive, only a few people have ever been there. If truth be known, Java Joe’s is 5’ of kitchen counter space plus one drawer and one cupboard in my wife’s kitchen where I learned to concoct espresso beverages from retired professional Starbucks barista, Edra Zook. Thats right. I am an Edra Zook graduate.
So we are sitting around enjoying some gourmet cuban espresso beverages when she presents me with what looks like a giant bookmark with a message that reads, “Got Traffic Tickets?
My daughter is a published writer. We share writing in common. The only difference is she knows grammar, spelling and punctuation. My style is to try to write fast enough hoping my readers will not notice my writing flaws.
Okay, back to the bookmark. She challenged me with, “I dare you to see if you can you write a story about the bookmark, before I return to the East Coast.”
I can. I can. I know I can.
“Got Traffic Tickets?” Here goes.
1934 Ford Fordor rear view mirror.As a retired police officer, I wish to present some surefire tips on how you can avoid getting traffic tickets.
- Rear view mirror technique. – At all times, drive like the cops are in your rear view mirror.
- Do not attract cops by driving with defective equipment such as broken windshield, defective lights, defective exhaust, bald tires, broken mirrors, missing mud flaps when required or protruding tires to name a few.
- Use your turn signal, not as you turn or change lanes, not after you turn or change lanes, but a minimum of 100’ before you start the maneuver.
- Always keep a safe distance away from other vehicles by using the 2-to-4-second-following rule when traveling or a car length or two when stopped.
- Do not speed. Some traffic cops are omnipresent or in plain English, they are everywhere.
Okay, I did it. My story is finished. I am submitting it to publisher, Ben Sclair, while my daughter is just now at 35,000 feet heading back to the East Coast.
The important thing here is I met my daughter’s challenge. I have written a story out of the thin air before she landed on the East Coast.
Are you proud of my accomplishment? I know my daughter will be.
Meh, Usually I love your stories but this was an introduction to a story, then driving tips (no story line) then a pat on your own back. I know you can do better. You should have written about one of your own traffic stops (I know you’ve had many) that was peculiar with a funny aspect, or tragic with a lesson learned. I think you owe your daughter a better “traffic story”.
Signed: always a critic but never myself a writer.
Mr. Wilson,
Thank you for your comment. I understand your point of view.
It is interesting to note that this one multi-faceted tongue in cheek story with some serious content has garnered my most complimentary comment of all time. The sender of that comment did not include it for public view. Additionally, this same story included my most critical comment of all time.
I received another comment that was verbal only stating he did not get the article at all. So you have some good company.
It appears everyone has their own point of view.
I will try to do better for you next time, but then there is no guarantee.
Joseph Boyle
Joe, you forgot to mention “Keep your license tabs current.” As a personal victim of one of your traffic stops, you used humor to teach me a good lesson. (I was driving my son’s car and hadn’t noticed the expired tabs.)
Your humor went a lot further and made a greater impression than a ticket would have. Thanks.
Mr. Horn,
Thank you for your comment. You are correct, tabs belong in the top 5. I actually have 72 traffic tips, but that would be too much to read in one setting, let alone remember at one time.
Everyone has heard of Arnold Schwarzenegger, “The Terminator”. I was called Deputy Boyle, “The Tabulator”. Back in the day I could spot an expired tab, counterfeit tab or stolen tab a mile away.
I guess if I used my humor on you instead of my ticket book, you are in the enviable position of having been stopped by “The Comedy Cop”.
Joseph Boyle
“The Comedy Cop”, now that’s a story!
Joe, I knew you could do it!! Challenge Joe and he will take you up on it!! Your daughter knows how to get you going on a project, she dares you. Good for her.
I know you made her a great cup of coffee. I have been to that particular coffee shop you mentioned and it serves great Espresso drinks!!
I appreciate the tips on how not to get a ticket. I realize I am very guilty of number 3 on your list. Thank goodness I read this article. Tell your daughter she probably saved me from an expensive ticket. Another success for very serious side of the Comedy Cop.