Westside Story – Rampant Age Discrimination at 2015 U.S. Open Golf Championship

The way I see it: the big time 2015 U.S. Open Golf Championship is coming to Pierce County and that means a lot of great, wonderful and positive things are going to happen in our community. But the U.S. Open has its downside.

Positive – The U.S. Open wants to hire 900 local people from ages 18 – 92. That is great; job opportunities for young and old alike.

Negative – In a TNT article dated March 16, 2015, it was announced that the U.S. Open jobs will be limited to only those who are ages 18 – 92. My Mom just turned 93. My family is incensed and outraged at this horrific injustice. They will not let Mom work at the U.S. Open because of her age. This is blatant age discrimination. She was hoping to serve as a caddy and dignitary protection officer for one of the prominent professional golfers. Mom wanted to give her golfer insightful golfing advice and moral support. I can see Mom now. The golfer asks her for a nine iron. Mom hands the golfer her cane. If a spectator gets too close to Mom’s golfer, she can use one of her Black Belt marshal arts moves to swat the adversary with her cane. This is tantamount to rock solid entertainment for the spectators. Add the element of physical fighting to the game of golf and all of a sudden golf becomes way more interesting, you know, like ice hockey.

Mom and her centurion pals have been working hard to prepare for the U.S. Open. Every weekend for months they have spent time playing hours of Putt-Putt Golf at Parkland Putters just to get their head into the game. They bought their own tiny hand held plastic pencil sharpeners to practice sharpening those itty bitty #2 gold colored golf pencils. They have been knitting custom golf club cozy covers for each participating golfer along with a matching knit cap.

We have a friend whose father, Phil, is 101 years old. Another friend is age 100. Mom is organizing the three of them along with her gang of regular protestors to picket the U.S. Open. Watch for them. They will be sitting in lawn chairs rotating between the sidewalk and the 19th hole to picket and protest and they mean business. Do not worry, they will not break windows, burn buildings or tip over cars. Anyone who is 93-115 years of age, clearly understands they cannot run fast enough to tip over a burning Volvo station wagon and escape from the police. Unlike most protestors, they use lawn chairs because at their age; they have trouble standing.

Do not underestimate the power of a 93 year old. During the hiring process prior to my becoming a police officer I was asked, “What would you do if you pulled your own mother over for speeding?” I thought for a moment and then answered, “I would call out the SWAT Team.”

Yes, these seasoned protestors may shut down the entire U.S. Open. Folks who are 93 and older have nothing to lose. What are they going to do? Give them life in prison?

And that’s the way I see it.

Note to 2015 U.S. Open Golf Championship Security Detail: Before you put surveillance and a wire tap on my mother, please understand, her beloved son is just poking some fun at the U.S. Open age-92 cutoff. This is the kind of thing I do to entertain my readers.