Let’s Talk! – Forgiving and Forgetting

Are you ready to switch off your screens and ponder or discuss another writing/conversation prompt from my friend Tyrean Martinson’s book? Here’s my take on it.

What a concept! It is not entirely Biblical, by the way – I looked it up. Just the concept of forgiving is. “Just.”

To me, the most superhuman prayer is, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” They were slaughtering an innocent and did it with glee. They were who they were, and they didn’t know that they should have acted differently. They did everything according to the law. And this same story keeps repeating itself in human history over and over again.

The story of Christ’s crucifixion is the basis of Christianity – a sacrifice by God for the salvation of mankind. There is no forgetting about the brutality nor the predators. We even know some of their names. Interesting, isn’t it? We are reminded that forgiveness is good, but forgetting would go against the purpose.

So, what is it about the concept of forgiving and forgetting? Of course, wrongdoers wish for their victims’ forgiveness and forgetfulness. It would be so easy if an apology, a mere “I’m sorry” could wipe the slate clean, wouldn’t it? And if it is a small wrong, it IS easy and not even worth the remembering.

But what if somebody has brutally overstepped? What if they add insult to injury? Maybe even again, and again?

Maybe, it is possible for the victim to forgive. If they see that the wrongdoer is simply that kind of person and can’t be “fixed”. It’s their character. It’s none of their doing. Don’t we have to forgive it as being their Nature? Just as we forgive a rattlesnake for being a rattlesnake, a predator for being a predator?

But here’s the hook. We don’t forget that a dangerous animal is dangerous. Because it could maim us or kill us if we ventured out and tried to make up with it. There is no shaking hands with a grizzly bear, and I’d rather not attempt to “fix” a scorpion. They are who they are. We better don’t forget that. They ARE better avoided.

So, what if the forgetting part is simply not about forgetting that the wrongdoer might or will do the same again? What if it is about the victim not delving in their memories constantly about the hurt that was inflicted? As in trying not to unwrap first the bandage and have a look, then scrape at the scab, to make the wound bleed again. The more we reopen old wounds, the bigger the scar will become. The injury will leave a scar, but it doesn’t have to hurt constantly. Forgetting, in this case, would mean thinking of other things, of distracting oneself to the point at which one doesn’t think of the wound, the scar anymore.

The concept of happiness involves self-preservation. One doesn’t go back again and again to be slapped in the face. Self-preservation means stepping away from those who inflict injury; it is the wise thing to do. To get over the pain. And maybe to forgive them for not knowing any better.