Outside the New Orleans Ernest N. Morial Convention Center there is an amalgamation of signs warning that this street is one way only.
Stop. Do Not Enter. One Way.
I had just come from a presentation by Keynote Speaker Dr. Timothy Shriver, Chairman of Special Olympics, Co-founder and CEO of UNITE, and Co-creator of The Dignity Index.
It was Day Two of the National School Board Association Annual Conference.
Shriver was decrying the basically ‘my-way-or-the-highway, stop, do not enter, one way’ communication style that is so deeply divisive in our country, our communities, and, for that matter, among couples.
Rather than two-way communication that is open, honest, and transparent, there is instead labeling, libeling, and condemning.
Rather than attempting to understand, there is instead blaming as if to get the upper hand.
Rather than compassionate, empathetic, attempts to find common ground, there is a tone of distrust, hostility, and negativity.
It’s no wonder even friends and couples end up going their separate ways.
Meanwhile conflicts and problems are not solved.
A better way is two-way.
Shriver calls it “dignity.”
- Build up rather than tear down.
- Acknowledge the validity of some aspect of the other’s position.
- Speak your truth but do it with dignity.
- Listen to hear, not to respond.
- Breathe. Pause. Count to five before replying.
- Use language that invites dialogue.
- Be open to admitting mistakes or changing your mind.
Next time you disagree – and there will be a next time, we’re humans after all – or having gone separate ways and upon further reflection you consider that there may have been some truth in what the other said, and that the value of the relationship you once had is worth saving, pick up the phone.
Try dignity.
