Westside Story – Government Approved Social Distancing Gear

We are living in harsh and dangerous times, much like the Black Plague between the years 1346 and 1352 or the Spanish Flu between 1918 – 1920. Both of these devastating pandemics in past centuries killed millions of innocent people.

When we compare the Black Plague and Spanish Flu with the Coronavirus of today, there is a vast difference. Today, we all know our government is here to protect us. For proof of government benevolence, we only have to be reminded of The City of Lakewood’s Rental Registration & Inspection, and Safety Program.

Our modern-day government has much more effective communication capabilities and more highly perfected scientific knowledge than that available in the 1300s and early 1900s.

If we are going to beat this medical threat and not let Cronoavirus kill us, we have to take our government-mandated safety rules seriously.

There is not a single person in our entire country, other than Jimmy Howe, that has done more to comply with government health and safety mandates. Just look at how efficient Jimmy is in being fully prepared and safe when it comes to fighting off this deadly virus. The photo below says it all.

Allow me to move from head to toe in describing Jimmy’s government approved Social Distancing Gear:

• Using the Joe Boyle Belt & Suspenders problem-solving approach, Jimmy has dawned both a ball cap and hoodie to prevent strangers’ cough spittle from landing on his face and head.
• Jumbo lens eyeglasses with titanium temple supports, which prove both effective and durable in protecting Jimmy’s eyes from being the gateway for COVID -19.
• Jimmy’s face mask is of such high quality, he could wear it on the moon to keep moon dust out.
• The jacket Jimmy wears to ward off Coronavirus zips up high and tight. Velcro is cleverly integrated into the top of the jacket where the neckline is located. The velcro closure system creates a seal against droplets entering through the jacket neckline. The Covid-19 Virus Fighting Jacket Company spared no expense in designing Jimmy’s anti-virus jacket. Notice at the end of each sleeve is a tight-fitting elastic wrist band. That way Jimmy will never have anything up his sleeve other than his arm.
• Jimmy scored a pocket full Nitrile Multipurpose protective gloves the last time he visited a friend at our local hospital Emergency Room. The nurse was not watching, so in the interest of public safety, Jimmy helped himself. Now he can use the gloves to protect himself against the evil virus.
• In Jimmy’s right hand is his 6′ Social Distance approved wood staff to keep people at a safe distance. For anyone failing to comply with our governor’s 6′ social distancing rule, Jimmy gives the violator a quick jab with the blunt end of his staff. Simultaneously Jimmy yells the social distancing approved verbiage, “Get back or I will have Governor Inslee ban you from Washington State.”
• As a backup, especially useful in large crowds, Jimmy has a handheld taser shock flashlight. Every time Jimmy gives someone a much deserved zap, he watches in amazement as the proximity violator becomes highly compliant with the 6’ social distancing mandate.
• While Jimmy’s blue jeans look like ordinary blue jeans, they are not. Woven into the denim fabric is kevlar, the same material used in police vests. We are not sure how kevlar protects against COVID-19. One theory suggests the kevlar jeans could help Jimmy maintain excellent health should he accidentally shoot himself in the leg after becoming distraught by the latest daily Covid-19 cases report.
• Jimmy shrewdly wears only T-shirts, boxers, socks, and shoes infused with fire retardant Nomex. That way should Jimmy set himself on fire while using his social distancing flame thrower, he will be protected. The flame thrower is a perfect social distancing accessory for going to crowded places like the Puyallup Fair (Western Washington Fair) or a busy airport.

Using his personal size social distancing flame thrower Jimmy motivates 276 airshow audience members to give Jimmy plenty of social distance.

As you can plainly see, Jimmy is more than ready for social distancing! How ready are you?

Practice safety. Be safe. Be healthy. I will look forward to seeing you on the other side.