If you are one of 24,000+ people who read The Suburban Times, I am confident you will instantly recognize the name, Don Doman.
Don, who is a friend of mine; well at least he was before I wrote this column, writes interesting pieces often connecting with subjects that are different from the subjects I write about.
One thing Don is well known for is going to dinner with his wife, Peg, and then writing restaurant reviews. I wonder if his writing makes those meals tax deductible?
My pal from high school, Larry King, and I to get together for lunch once a week. We had thought about writing restaurant reviews before Don started writing his. We even had a few reviews in draft form in addition to having designed a restaurant review checklist.
I have to be honest; I am still incensed and outraged that Don Doman beat me out of first place with the launch of his restaurant reviews. (Just noticed if you drop the letter “a” out of the word launch, you end up with “the lunch of his restaurant reviews.” That is a mildly fun creative play on words.”)
Not wanting to be a couple of copy cats, Larry and I dropped our restaurant review plan. We think we handled that part of our conflict with Don Doman intelligently and maturely.
On the other hand, Larry and I know how to hang onto and thoroughly enjoy a long term grudge.
It has taken us this long, but finally, we have come up with the idea that will build up our self-image in the community and simultaneously push Don Doman down into a profile of being a routine everyday guy with run-of-the-mill ideas as evidenced by his restaurant reviews. After all, anyone can write restaurant reviews.
Our innovative idea began to germinate when, on June 5, 2018, I was transported, by Lear Jet, to the Providence Hospital Emergency Room in Anchorage, Alaska after having flown over the handlebars of my BMW motorcycle at 70 mph during my return trip from the Arctic Ocean.
Our idea continued to build towards the end of May 2019, when I spent 9 1/2 hours on my birthday in the Emergency Room of Bayview Hospital in Delaware.
I realize it is hard to believe, but they do not have birthday cake in emergency rooms. Even if they did, birthday candles are not allowed because hospitals do not permit fires near the medical oxygen tanks.
So here is our genius reviewer idea to become more famous than Don Doman. Before we publish our first innovative review, we wish to share our concept with the 24,000+ readers of The Suburban Times to first measure just how wildly popular our idea might prove to be when compared to Don’s; anybody can do it, restaurant reviews.
Ready?
I propose that I become the first person ever to launch a Hospital Emergency Room Review. I already have E.R. Reviews for Alaska and Delaware. The way I figure it, Larry and I can go to an emergency room once or twice a year, followed by a published up-to-date Emergency Room review. Part of our review will cover hospital food, which will be another way for me to compete with Don Doman.
Larry, while reviewing my article, told me that at age 75, he feels like his life is already half over and therefore does not wish to waste time inside Emergency Rooms.
Larry suggested we capitalize on the “Ambulance Chaser” concept. We will follow ambulances to the Emergency Room, and during visiting hours, we can interview the patients to gather information for our next Emergency Room Review.
If you like our innovative never done before idea, let me know.
Please do me a favor. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT tell Don Doman. It would be just like Don to grab my idea, head on down to a nearby emergency room and proceed to beat me out again by relegating me to the position of the 2nd guy to write Emergency Room Reviews right behind Don Doman.
Joe,
So, are you finally admitting that you officially hit the skids back in June of 2018? If you are trying to keep me out of the ER and sampling hospital foods, you are going about it the wrong way. If you had written one more paragraph in your tirade I might have busted a gut . . . thereby requiring a quick trip St. Joseph’s, Tacoma General, or my favorite: Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital (I am after all much younger than you). Thank you for the morning chuckle. Your articles, even the serious ones always make me laugh. Say, hello to Larry.
Don
This is an excellent idea. While Don Doman is stuck in traffic trying to get to a restaurant, Joe And I will be tucked in behind an ambulance and racing across town. We might even pass Don Doman. Next, Joe and I might expand into funeral reviews. They don’t stop for red lights either.
Great idea Joe. While you’re reviewing emergency rooms, you could also review hospital cafeterias. That way you could have your cake and eat it too……
Pick the worst Emergency Rooms first, like Don picks his restaurants. I know, because I take him to some of them and he then believes they’re even better than I do and grabs the Glory.