Westside Story – New Year’s Resolutions

Here we are. If you are reading this, we all made it to New Years Day, 2019.

Had early 1900s societal expectations not pressured my father into becoming a cancer stick smoker, he could have become age 100 this year.

It is a good day to reflect on the past, and then once accomplished to begin contemplating the future.

January 1, 2019, is a great day to write down, what we call in America, New Year’s resolutions.

I think I know all of you well enough to be comfortable sharing my top five 2019, New Year’s resolutions that are designed to help me become a better person.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

That’s right. Nothing. Five blanks.

I am 75 years old and have had ample time to reach perfection. There is nothing I can see to improve. Well, my wife has hinted I could be more humble. Naaah. 

Besides, bragging is much misunderstood and underrated. Think about it. If we don’t brag about stuff to our friends and family, how else will they ever discover how great we are?

For example, look at my New Year’s Day photo, which is titled, “THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE.” The photo depicts an element of perfection, my new hairstyle designed to mimic Dr. Brown in the movie, Back To The Future. 

As 2019 unfolds, my hairstyle might easily become what is hip in America. An outrageous new trend-setting hairstyle can end up taking over for tattoos, pierced body metal decorations, and saggy jeans as a way to rebel against conventional society, to be noticed, and most importantly, to be different. I do take judicial notice that most of those who work hard to be different, usually end up not being different when compared to a large group of their contemporaries all trying to be different.

If you are younger than 75, then writing New Year’s resolutions might be a perfect thing for you to do.

My first 75 years has provided me with all the time I could ever need to get as good as I am ever going to get, especially after my Deadhorse, Alaska, motorcycle crash adventure.

I am thinking about becoming a somewhat immobile recluse, and while ensconced on my couch with a TV remote in hand, I can start watching television and thereby live life vicariously. By watching others live life instead of living life myself, I think I will find this typical American approach to life to be safer, especially if it prevents me from trying bungee jumping for the first time on my 80th birthday.

There is an exciting TV show which is much safer than riding a BMW motorcycle to the Arctic Ocean. The show allows me to watch people, watching other people, playing poker. I don’t have to lift a single card. Why live life ourselves when I can live through a TV? After all, it is the American way as evidenced by all the TVs turned on everywhere we go.

If I switch to my new proposed lifestyle, I do not need to make New Year’s resolutions, unless you consider beginning to watch TV again after a 35+ year hiatus a New Year’s resolution. I suppose I will have to buy a TV if I am going to make this plan work. My old TV does not sport a remote. I can’t live like that. 

Can anyone tell me which channel Milton Berle is on these days?

Happy New Year! We can now move forward a day at a time towards the year I refer to as January 1, “Perfect Vision”; you know, the year 2020.