DISCLOSURE: This article compares in readability to the New York Times. While this disclosure sounds lofty and a bit braggadocio, what it means is a 16-year-old 10th grader should be able to read the article. Please proceed accordingly.
Have you ever been irritated when you see someone illegally parking in a yellow marked no parking zone?
To completely stamp out illegal parking in yellow no parking zones, the nearby city of Puyallup has come up with a novel idea.
They plan to place comfortable executive banker style business chairs in the no parking zones throughout the city. That way a scofflaw, who even thinks about illegally parking, will quickly conclude there is a parking enforcement officer parked in a chair spinning 360s. He or she is just waiting for a ticket-writing opportunity. A feeling of dread will come over the tempted violator when the parking enforcement officer is spotted hovering like a vulture to ticket and impound the scofflaw. (Note: I say he or she because gender discrimination is not allowed on Puyallup parking enforcement squads, nor, for that matter, is there any gender discrimination intended to be included in the writing of this article.)
Placing the seated parking enforcement officers around the city in comfortable enforcement chairs is a genius plan by the Puyallup Police Department to augment their de-escalation program. The parking violator knows immediately that getting away with illegal parking is a dim prospect, at best. The driver will be self-motivated to drive down the road to find a legal parking spot. This new program eliminates SWAT call outs for parking violators.
The below photo depicts Puyallup’s first test zone. It was amazing. No one parked in the yellow zone the entire time we were parked in a nearby legal zone.
Parking enforcement swivel chair stamping out illegal parking.
The Puyallup High School is visible down the street where students learn daily lessons from the life of books. Any student illegally parking in the yellow no parking zone will have an opportunity to learn from the book of life.
This brainchild is projected to cause illegal parking to plummet in the Puyallup Valley.
A lot has changed since Ezra Meeker parked his transportation unit in Puyallup. In his day, he could park anywhere he wanted. There were no yellow zones.
Ezra Meeker with his covered wagon. Notice the absence of yellow no parking zones.
I share this Puyallup story with you because if it works for Puyallup, the citizens of Lakewood can work together to submit to our city one of those poorly thought out citizen initiatives in an effort to demand an enhanced parking enforcement program.
Note: It is a waste of time to do any fact checking on this article especially when you consider I did not check any facts and in fact admit to having made up few facts, just like the big time newspaper reporters. Because my embellished story is not intended to cause anyone any harm, but rather is meant to entertain, I am thinking I should not face any prison time.
Michael Tunnard says
While your story it entertaining, it does not change the fact that parking violation is rampant in our fair city. Anyone who doubts this fact needs only drive down Chicago Avenue between McChord Drive in Lincoln any night after 6 PM. It never ceases to amaze me the number of people who blatantly violated no parking signs. In addition, to avoid possible penalties for violation, some people go so far as to take the sign down. I cannot tell you how many times the sign in front of my yard was knocked down or removed before the city finally gave up reinstalling it. We need to find a good solution to this growing problem.
Joseph Boyle says
Mr. Tunnard,
Thank you for your comment. To my way of thinking, there are solutions. When I was a police officer in Lakewood for 15 years, I served in three roles. In each of my three roles I provided solutions to your very type of parking problem.
SOLUTION 1: I served as a Segment Host on a TV program where I educated the public on the consequences of illegal parking including traffic tickets and impounds.
SOLUTION 2: I served as a Traffic Officer where I issued tickets and impounds for parking scofflaws.
SOLUTION 3: I served as a Neighborhood Patrol Officer (NPO) which allowed me to work repeat problems on an intense basis including using tickets and impounds.
SOLUTION 4: In some jurisdictions temporary security cameras can be mounted on power poles to capture images of suspects tearing down signs (malicious mischief crime).
I recommend you contact Lakewood Police Department (LPD) to ask for some neighborhood help. If they are able to focus on the problem with any one or all four of my suggested solutions above, violators will soon learn to behave themselves. Our police department may offer other solutions too,
If LPD is in position to give you the right kind of help, I know there are tactics that work. If I was still carrying a badge and a gun, I would drive through your neighbor hood one or more times per day to check on the parking problem. I always started out with what I referred to as the “honeymoon period”. That means no tickets or impounds, but I would tag the cars with bright window paint and a written paper notice to educate citizens without costing them much time or money. After a week or so, then I would start issuing tickets and impounds for those who insist on learning things the hard way..
LPD is busy, so step one is to let them know about your problem. Step two is to have them agree to help your neighborhood with this problem. Step three is to wait for your project to come up to the top of their list of things to do.
It is understandable that LPD will not help your neighborhood with this problem if LPD does not know about your neighborhood problem.
Good luck.
Joseph Boyle