Westside Story – Will The Real Uber Driver Please Stand Up

In the old days drinking and driving was the manly thing to do. I can still hear those slurred words as my friends pried my fingers off the steering wheel, “I caaan drivvvvvve.”

There were no “Please, Don’t Drink & Drive” signs. If the police caught you drinking and driving, the cop would lock your car, throw your keys into the brush and give you a ride home.

Today we are in modern times, and we all know better than to drink and drive. Drunk drivers kill people. If a driver is lucky enough to be arrested for DUI before killing someone, it will still be an expensive learning curve to discover what people with common sense already know. Do not drink and drive. If a DUI driver is caught today, the driver will be buried with lawyer fees, court costs, and ignition interlock charges.

That is why when my high school pal, Larry King, and I head out for my monthly lunch at Harbor Lights, known for their strong cocktail pours, we always take an Uber.

Larry and I ride the Uber down to the Harbor Lights like a couple of BTOs (Big Time Operators).

So far we have been able to beat the DUI squad out of $40,000 each in DUI expenses by drinking and Ubering, rather than drinking and driving. Uber does not cost, it pays.

Let’s admit it. You never see a sign that reads, “Please do not drink and Uber.”

Back to my story. The Uber picks me up at my house, and as we head over to Larry’s, I noticed that the Uber Driver, Juan Navarro, is wearing a hat that looks like mine. I then noticed he is also wearing a jacket that looks like mine.

Because I am always looking for the funny, it hits me. Mind you; the drinking has not started yet. At this part of my Uber ride, I am as sober as a Catholic nun teaching a Catechism class.

I say to Juan, “Hey, do you want to have some fun?” Juan says, “Sure.” Okay, when we are about a block away from Larry’s let’s pull over and let me drive. Juan says, “Sure.” Boy, Juan is one in a million when it comes to going along with a fun gag.

After getting behind the wheel, I drive the Uber car about 300’ and turn into Larry’s driveway. Larry is waiting in the garage with the door open like always. Larry exits and closes the garage door. As he approaches the front passenger window heading to the back seat, Juan holds up a bag and leans out the window and says, “Hey, Larry, here is the Safeway ‘Moose Droppings’ ice cream I promised you.”

Larry looks at Juan and does a double-take and then leans in for a closer look. Oh my gosh; Joe Boyle is the Uber driver.

It was a crack up. We are still laughing.

Trading places. With look-a-like hats and coats, it was hard to tell Juan and Joe apart.

So let’s drink a Manhattan to the fact that even if you do not drink and drive, you can still have fun.

Will the real Uber driver please stand up?