As I approach my three quarter century mark it is only natural that I conclude I know everything. What more is there to learn?
To explore this intellectually stimulating philosophical question further, let’s talk pen storage.
Beginning in 1959 during my first days of high school, I started carrying a pen every day. That is 58 solid years of pen packing.
One never knows when they need to write themselves a note, like tonight. I was watching actor, Tim Hoban, play Edgar Allan Poe at the Lakewood Theater when a substitute title for this article popped into my mind. My Harvard Hat’s Off To You replaced Use Your Head.
Typically, carrying a pen is not a big trick. All I have to do each morning is put my pen in my pocket at the same time I grab my wallet. That is how it goes most days.
But then there are those times when my wardrobe for the day includes pocketless garments like a T-shirt or sweater. Where do I store my pen then? Pen storage while wearing pocketless clothes has been a big problem for me.
I have tried my back pants pocket but ended up having the pen leak black ink all over my derrière.
(Note: The Suburban Times is a family friendly newspaper, so I chose the fancy word, derrière, instead of the everyday word, butt, but know it is all the same in the end.)
I have tried storing my pen in a front pants pocket, but often the pen clicker will inadvertently activate causing the ballpoint to pop out and stick me in the leg. My leg ends up looking like a heroine attic with black stab marks all over.
(Note, the two words in the above paragraph, heroine attic, should not be thought of as the work of an illiterate wordsmith, but rather purposefully put into play to create a laughter opportunity for my readers, even if I am the derrière of the joke.)
So for decades, I have suffered from an ink-pen storage problem.
Because I thought I knew everything and because I knew of no pocketless shirt-pen storage solutions, I concluded there was no solution for the pocketless wardrobe pen storage problem.
Wrong!
I walked into Tacoma Costco and passed by Derick Lewis, a representative for Hale’s Ales Brewery, located in the Fremont District of Seattle with a street address of 4301 Leary Way NW, Seattle, Washington 98107. T: 206-706-1544. www.HalesBrewery.com.
Hale’s motto is “Think Globally, Drink Locally.”
If you visit Derick’s Fremont District location, tell him Joe Boyle sent you and maybe, just maybe, Derick will give you a free sample.
(Note: Because Derick gave me an easy and inexpensive solution to my pen storage problem, I promised him a shameless Hale’s Ales plug.)
After spotting Derick I did a double take. My Piloti driving shoes slid to a stop leaving 8” of skid marks on the Costco floor. A thick cloud of burning shoe rubber set off Costco’s smoke detectors.
What I saw was so amazing, I threw my Pilotis into reverse.
Derick, who was busy talking ale, was simultaneously displaying an innovative pen storage concept I had never seen before. Derick used his official Hale’s Ales hat as a pen storage device.
(Note to Derick: Yet, another free plug.)
Notice this is not the old pen behind your ear trick. I could never do that because to do so made my ears stick out like Dumbo the elephant.
Derick, displaying his pen storage solution in front of his Costco Hale’s Ales display table. (Note: Plug, plug.)
Author Joe Boyle converts Harvard Law School hat into pen storage unit.
Derick suggested a lot of men my age experience hand-eye coordination problems and therefore thought it best if I wore safety goggles during my pen storage learning curve to prevent sticking myself in the eye with my own pen.
For those of you who caught my recentThe Suburban Times article titled, Westside Story – Harvard Law School, my Harvard hat is a visual epilogue to the original story. The original tale details how I went to the Harvard Law School and got kicked out on my first day of class.
After reading Westside Story – Harvard Law School, my loyal reader, Larry King, immediately harnessed the internet to order a Harvard hat for me from the school bookstore.
Some have asked me if the numbers, 1636, displayed on the front of the hat, might be the last 4 of my Social Security Number. No, Harvard was founded in the year 1636. My Harvard hat is a new-old-stock piece in like-new condition, which is impressive coming from a 381-year-old college.
Derick, because of you my life-long pen storage frustration is over. I can now enjoy the rest of my days knowing my pen is always within my lunge and grasp.
Derick, as I would say, “My Harvard hat is off to you”.
Derick, as you would say, “Let’s drink to that”.
And the additional benefit of that storage option is that if the pen leaks blue, green or other color ink on your hair or scalp you would be right in mode with the younger set with color streaked hair. I don’t know about the scalp though, maybe another trend setting idea.
lol
As always, your stories and coverage along with your jokes, makes reading it so very interesting, while I sit back and enjoy my cup of coffee. Keep it up, look forward to reading more of your stories, and jokes!
I used to carry a pen around tucked above my ear, as we used to do with cigarettes to look cool, but recently eyeglasses and a hearing aid began interfering with that solution.
Never been in a heroin attic. Raise the roofy.