Submitted by Chas. Ames
We no more than curbed ebola, then Zika came on a tourist visa.
Jolly Old England voted to Brexit, then took the walk of shame the next day. Boy… we would never do something THAT stupid.
US and China sign the Paris Agreement climate convention. Coral reefs could not be reached for comment as they were all dead. Seconds later, Earth’s atmosphere passes the 400ppm CO2 threshold, presumably never to return.
Well, we had a good run. Buy up some water wings while they are still on the shelf.
Colin Kaepernick protested the killing of blacks by sitting out the national anthem of a country that dies for freedom around the world. For this, some threatened to kill him. Just take a knee, folks.
Lakewood City Council voted in favor of safe housing, with one noteworthy exception. Gee, I wonder if David Andersen will have an opinion about this.
After numerous Galaxy 7 smartphones exploded, Samsung’s woes had only begun. Then their washers were reported to have exploded. The name is getting to be an old Batman sound effect; Biff! Ka-pow! Samsung!
As you read this, more coalition troops are presumed to be leaving Afghanistan. I wonder if that will affect rush hour on I-5 near JBLM. Welcome back, boys and girls. Time to re-fit for the next time someone calls the president a name.
And thousands were killed by guns in England, Germany, and Japan. Oh. Wait. That was here in America. Those other countries have almost no gun deaths in any given year. At least our militia is well-regulated, right?
Oh. And something about an election…
Well… no WAY 2017 could be worse, right? Right?