On January 2, 2016, there was a death in my family. With the passing of my 93 year old mother, the entire generation ahead of me is now gone. My parents, aunts, uncles and in-laws are all gone. There is no one left in front of me.
Being the oldest, I am the patriarch. I am on the point. If everything runs its normal life cycle, I am next in line when death comes knocking. If I have my Mom’s longevity, I will have another 20 years. If not, maybe only a day or two. We all know our birth date. None of us know our death date.
The reason I make this two paragraph introduction talking about life and death is I wish to recommend a valuable book I just finished reading.
The book is titled Being Mortal by Dr. Atul Gawande. The target message of the book talks about medicine and what matters to most of us in the end.
Allow me to quote from the inside jacket cover. “Medicine has triumphed in modern times, transforming the dangers of childbirth, injury, and disease from harrowing to manageable. But when it comes to the inescapable realities of aging and death, what medicine can do often runs counter to what it should.”
Often there is no discussion by anyone regarding the pros and cons of any particular course of medical action. There is no discussion of what the patient wants in terms of quality of life. Instead there is a constant pressure in the world of medicine to do anything and everything to prevent the patient from dying, even if this extension of life brings misery and pain.
Rather than telling the reader what to do when faced with serious medical circumstances, the author educates the reader regarding alternative views and resources that can be considered as medical decisions and end of life arrangements are made.
I recommend that anyone who might die in the future or anyone who has a loved one who might die, read this book now. When you find yourself dealing with serious illness, injury or pending death, you will be better prepared to make difficult decisions and at the same time mitigate feelings of guilt. Additionally, your education will help you understand hospice, palliative care, nursing homes, assisted living and the end of life process.
The link above will take you to Amazon Books should you wish to purchase the book. If you are like me, retired on a fixed income, you can borrow the book from your local library.
In closing, this one book adequately covers the subject. There is no need to attend an out of state conference.
Mr. Boyle:
The topic is a good one. The book looks like a good one too. The last sentence of your column — now that’s a good one! I can see that becoming a recurring line. Very cerebral sense of humor.
Joe, I’m sorry to hear about your Mom. She was gold. I wish I had seen this book before my parents passed away. I’ll have to check it out anyway. You’ve never steered me wrong.
Joe, I’d read glowing reviews of this book a few months ago, and have been meaning to read it. Thanks for the reminder; I just placed a hold on it at PCL. There are several copies owned throughout the system, some on the “Lucky Day!” shelves.
I’m so glad this physician explored death so honestly and realistically, and invited us along. It’s a discussion long overdue. We all need to think about DNR orders, POLST or Living Will documents, etc., and make our wishes known to our loved ones who will be following through on our wishes (we hope) when we can no longer participate in the discussion.
Thanks, Joe. Your mom has helped even more people, through your sharing.
Joe, very sorry to read about your Mother!! Good book, good advice for reflection, and an even better Frontline program on PBS by Atul G. from February 10, 2015. I have shared that as well! All the best.
Like Mary, this book is on my list, but knowing it is not an easy read, I have put it off. There are some things in this life we really can’t put off. Thank you for a timely reminder.