By David Anderson
With apologies to Andy Williams.
“In Las Vegas, a customer who had purchased a big-screen television at Target was shot in the leg while walking to a nearby apartment complex, KLAS-TV reported.”
In Las Vegas, of all places.
Evidently the Christmas list of the shooters meant targeting a shopper from Target willing – or not – to donate his plasma.
According to the Thanksgiving Day story, an initial warning shot caused the poor fellow – not unlike a running back gang-tackled and stripped of the ball – to drop the near 70-pound TV. But Lynch-like the victim regained his footing in time to chase down those having recovered his fumble that by then had scored their prize in the trunk of their car.
That’s when they shot him in the leg.
The gun-toting shoppers then left the damaged goods (both the shoot-ee and the TV) alongside the road apparently deciding the latter wasn’t digital anyway.
‘There’ll be much fist-throwing
And faces a-glowering . . .’
“At a Walmart in Southern California,” according to a review of door-buster-specials- while-shopping-for-Christmas-
It is unknown whether there is truth to a rumor that the Walmart Christmas music sound system was ironically stuck at the time of the altercation repeatedly replaying:
“With the kids jingle belling, And everyone telling you ‘Be of good cheer’ . . . ‘Be of good cheer’ . . . ‘Be of good cheer’ (and, finally, getting unstuck) it’s the most wonderful time of the year.”
Speaking of reviews and replays, the playing on the field (just so you know, this is a transitional sentence from the shopping mall to the stadium, from shopper to footballer, but with a repeated theme as seems to reoccur this hap- happiest football season of all especially if you’re a Seahawks fan watching the big game on your big screen in case you can’t make the game) is interrupted on occasion – in the interest of fair play – to allow officials to ensure that all was done decently and in order.
However, not unlike frenzied shoppers doing whatever it takes to get what they want as in the examples above, “if a questionable call is made in favor of the offense, then the offense will often line up and snap the ball quickly to prevent the opposing coach from challenging the call.”
On a par with “having your ice cream cone fall on the ground right after buying it,” snapping the ball by the offense is most offensive to the defense who, when push comes to shove – which often happens in football, would do the same if (it’s not a matter of if but when) given the opportunity.
But back to the what-happens-in-Vegas-stays-
In this season of the year you’ll be hap- happy to know that “‘The Holiday Lottery’ campaign again for now the sixth year in a row encourages parents and loved ones not to give lottery products as holiday gifts to minors.”
“There’ll be much mistltoeing
And hearts will be glowing
When loved ones are near . . . .”
Just don’t be buyin’ the little loved ones scratch-off tickets.
And why not?
Because, parents, “purchasing lottery tickets as holiday gifts for children is not a responsible gaming message,” says our State of Washington, a 2012 participant in the campaign to protect your little ones while at the same time “exploiting gambling addicts for revenue.”
So as friends come to call this hap- happiest season of all, along with ‘scary such stories’ as found in these headline glories, remember the true meaning of the holidays:
If you find it’s too late to be good, happiness is getting away with it.