Westside Story – Gourmet Mushrooms

Story & Photo – Joseph Boyle

Finding this mushroom specimen in my yard made me want to break into the mushroom business. This jumbo volunteer mushroom magically appeared and the idea just hit me. Maybe I can get one of those government sponsored small business loans from the SBA.

I thought I should conduct a taste test before investing a lot of money into a new venture, so I slipped some small pieces of the mushroom into my brother-in-law’s gravy. It may be a coincidence, but I have to be honest with you. He died before finishing his dinner. I was never able to ask him how he liked the mushrooms. He slumped over and did a face plant into his mashed potatoes.

It all happened so quickly even before we could get the cheesecake on the table. I am really hoping his demise was not because of the mushroom.

After the rest of us finished desert, we called 911, but it was too late. If news of my brother-in-law gets out, my mushroom business might be over before it gets started.

I was so hopeful I could make it big in the mushroom business, but obviously I have much to learn. What kind of mushroom is this? Can a guy start a mushroom business with just one giant mushroom? I think I can since mushrooms at the grocery come in such tiny cans.

Maybe mail order mushrooms would be the way to go. Of course depending on what kind of mushroom this is, I might not be able to count on building a big repeat business.

Bill, a friend I met at Starbucks, is a former kingpin in the mushroom business, I would like to be a kingpin. Of course now I am just a lackey in the mushroom business.

Bill sent me the article linked below. The article emphatically points out that most of us should not eat mushrooms unless we get them from a store. If you get them from a store, still don’t eat them if they are produced by Joe Boyle’s mushroom company. After all, it is well known that Joe Boyle’s brother-in-law will not be appearing in any mushroom commercials any time soon.

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/10/02/hey-houston-think-again-before-you-chow-down-on-that-wild-mushroom/

There you have it. Maybe it would be better if I just stuck to grilled unions to spice up my meal.

With this volunteer found in my yard, it is my hope that my business riches will mushroom.